Godspeed Uncle Jeff.

Today our family said goodbye to one we lost much too soon.  It still feels so surreal that someone so full of life, energy, and love can be gone.

He and his wife Joanne have shared 34 passionate and wonderful years together. They were blessed to find their soul mates at a young age and fell deeply in love.  Time has only fueled that love. They are a glowing example of what marriage should be. They had the kind of love that movies and fairytales are made of.

His daughters, Erin and Nicole were the light of his life...

and his first grandchild, Liam fulfilled a much anticipated dream of being a grandpa...

Unfortunately, less than a year ago, it was discovered he had an aggressive form of anaplastic thyroid cancer.  He fought courageously enduring surgeries, chemo, and radiation losing his ability to eat, speak, and swallow.  He has endured a year of tremendous hardship and suffering as the cancer relentlessly took over his body.  He fought so hard- his wife and family tirelessly by his side.

We are blessed to be part of a large, loud, and loving family.  As the oldest niece of a dozen kids on my dad's side of the family, there have always been lots of kids and activity.  Uncle Jeff has played a huge part in every one of our childhoods.  He has played with us, taught us, encouraged us, pushed us to do new things, taught us to laugh, loved us through all our ages and stages (good and bad), and stood by us through everything. Jeff just loves kids and they are drawn to him. His playful energy and humor are kid magnets. He was a kid at heart himself and never lost his love of simple joys, laughter, and fun...

...AND for pranks :) I can't remember a single family gathering that didn't involve some kind of practical joke.  His nephews, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law were some of his favorite targets.  In the end though, they always laughed right along with the rest of us.

Things were never dull with Jeff around.  He just exuded fun everywhere he went.  He had an amazing way of being in the middle of the action (or maybe we should say the catalyst behind it) and on the sidelines all at the same time.  We will always remember his commentary.  Whether you were in church, at a wedding, a picnic, a dinner, or just hanging out.  He always had just the right witty words to make you laugh. I could swear I heard his voice today as we sat in the pews honoring his life. Just a few short weeks ago he was jotting down observations and passing notes across the way. And we will all remember him standing in the background with his huge camcorder on his shoulder.  He was passionate about capturing memories for his family. Now they have volumes of footage to remember their years together.

Jeff never met a stranger.  He could talk to anyone and make them feel at ease in any situation.  He did not have a pretentious bone in his body.  Jeff saw people for who they were inside.  He was never one to judge a book by its cover or to judge for that matter. He had such a gift for making people comfortable, making them laugh, but also touching their heart. He was compassionate, wise, and unassuming.  He was a natural at mentoring and reaching out to others. The tributes could go on for days of all the lives he touched and molded.

I am so thankful my kids have had these years to spend with him.  They have loved him from the very beginning, especially Julia.  They have always had a soft spot in their hearts for each other.  As Jeff has battled cancer this year, he was always concerned with Julia's health struggles in her battle with anaplastic kidney cancer, too.  He used to say he had lived a long and full life and he just wanted to know that she would get that chance, too.  I only wish they could have spent more of them together and had time for more memories.  They miss him already and have prayed so much for him over the past year.

Jeff, our family will never be the same without you, but none of us will ever be the same because of you.  A piece of your spirit will live forever in each of us and your laughter will always resonate in our hearts.

We thank God for your life well-lived.  Through your example you have shown those around you what it means to be a father, husband, son, brother, uncle, nephew, and friend. Jeff, you showed us all how to live every day to its fullest, to love those around us without abandon, and to find the joy in every situation, and to cherish those we love.  You taught us how to live and this past year you have showed us how to die, too, with courage, grace, love, and faith.

We miss you more than we can say, but we rejoice in knowing you are now completely healed and free from pain.  And one day we will see you again.

Please pray for Joanne, Erin, Nicole and all those who love Jeff as they adjust to life without him.

Rest in peace, Uncle Jeff.  Godspeed.  I know heaven is a happier place and you will continue to surround us with your love and laughs.

Scan Day Update

Our day at the hospital started bright and early this morning.  

I am happy to say that the receptionist agreed with me that it was silly to have an 8:30am ultrasound and a 1pm chest x-ray, and she made it happen.  Love when people use good common sense.

Then we went back for her abdominal/pelvic ultrasound.  As we walked down the hall, our favorite tech Calista was walking past us pushing another machine.  She said hello to everyone, but had to keep walking.  It always makes me nervous when she is not the one doing our scans.  She knows us so well and has so much experience and skill that I always feel better with Julia in her hands.  We've also developed a friendship over they years that makes our time together enjoyable. Toya was going to be doing Julia's scan today.  Twice we have had someone different.  The first time, the girl doing the test spent very little time looking for a assessing everything .  The second time it was a man who had never done a child before and was training to work the night shift.  He made me very nervous.  It didn't help that he kept insisting Julia had her spleen removed also because it could not be found.  He had the nerve to argue with me about it repeatedly.  A mother knows which of her child's organs have been removed, trust me.

The test went well.  Julia was great as usual. Toya did a really good job with everything.  I dread the part where they take it to be quick-reviewed before you are allowed to leave.  It always seems like time stands still.  The kids were engrossed in all the construction right outside the window...

After 15 min we were told we could go upstairs and it would be reviewed for preliminary report.

We checked in at the oncology clinic and started triage and labs.  Julia was not happy about  having blood drawn from her arm.  Ever since her hospitalizations and surgeries last spring this has been the issue she digs in her heels over.  We had to draw blood twice over the summer.  Once she had to be asked to leave the waiting room because her outburst was scaring the other kids and the other time two receptionists had to come in and help to be sure she didn't snap off the needle in her arm.

Ms. Stacy agreed to come with us to distract Julia and help walk her through the process.  I am happy to say it worked.  While she cried and did not want to do it, she held her arm out and kept it still while all three tubes were filled.  Then it was off to get measured.  She has gained three pounds in just the past few weeks and continues to get taller. Then Ms. Stacy took her back to get her courage beads to add to her necklace.  She was very proud of herself for doing something she really didn't want to do.

Both the kids have been looking forward to Arts for Life for weeks.  Ms. Betsey had a great project for them.  They sketched patterned animals to use to create their own relief stamps and then made a series of prints from their creations.  

Here is a picture of one of their many creations.

Then it was time for her physical.  Nurse Dianne was very pleased with how well her body continues to heal from treatment.  Her GI issues and emotional struggles are her only lingering side effects. She did discover that one of her permanent ear tubes has come out.  This explains the pain on that side.  We just had these put in last February.  We'll have to check back in with Dr. Kraus about putting it back in.

Then it was time to find out all her test results.  Her labs all looked great, some are not back yet.  Her chest x-ray and ultrasound all looked good.  Preliminary reports are NED!!!! Lots of cheering, deep breaths, hugs, and celebrating! We were excited to have a lot of our friends in clinic today.  We had no idea they were going to be there.  I love the way God does that :)

We headed down to the cafeteria for lunch (Julia was starving by now and starting to lose it. She'd been NPO since last night.) and who was next to us in line, but Julia's x-ray tech and Calista! She had been sent to the NICU by Dr. Specter to do a portable ultrasound.  She was so upset that someone else worked on one of "her patients".  She told us she would be sure to do Julia's next scans and was so happy with the good news.

After a yummy lunch, we piled into the car and drove to DC to meet my parents.  We are excited to be spending the weekend visiting DC and Annapolis enjoying the museums, metro, Naval Academy, and a Navy football game.  The weather looks to be absolute perfection and we are thankful for this time to get away and celebrate.  Every day is a gift.  Every moment of time spent NED is cherished.  We were given a pass to live our lives in 60% zone and for that we are thankful.  Thank you all for your prayers, encouragement, and kind words.  In the words of a wise cancer angel mom (Angie), "Go hug your kids."  Good night!

Scanxiety

My body and soul have not taken a deep breath in weeks.  I have been avoiding the thought of October 6th with everything in me. I am working hard to push back the fears.  I am hearing conversations in my head I never want to hear said out loud. 

It is "scanxiety".  The term used by cancer parents to describe the universal experience we face every time doctors peer into the bodies of our cancer warriors.  It does not matter if they finished treatment yesterday or five years ago, the feelings are the same.  What does it look like?

• we find ourselves awkwardly impatient and short with each other, especially the kids- 'parental guilt' takes on a whole new meaning
• we pick fights about non-issues to release some of the pressure
• we take the time to really reflect at how far we've come and how gracious our God has been
• we cry when we least expect it
• we thank God for the gift of these past few months of NED days and the simple joys we were given as a family
• we prepare ourselves mentally to face the day... whatever may come
• we crave praise music and time in God's Word with the same intensity we crave oxygen
• we wrestle daily with the demons... the what-ifs, the fears, the fate of those who've gone before us
• we ponder the numbers... the chance of relapse, the duration from the end of treatment to relapse, the possibilities of other complications, the options
• we can't help but be hyper-sensitive to physical symptoms and what they might indicate.  Never again will there be 'just a fever', 'just a pain', or 'just an illness'
• we weigh the side effects of every past and future treatment, drug, scan, or test.  With cancer you go to the end limits of 'normal exposure' and then jump off the cliff.  Now we just try to juggle it all and pray that in 'scanning safer' we aren't missing anything.
• sometimes we just sit in the silence and be because we don't want to say aloud what we both know the other is thinking
• we remember all those who have relapsed and the tremendous battles they have faced or for some the helpless words "there is nothing more we can do" and we continue to work for more research
• we linger a little longer, hug a little tighter, read one more story, and take one more glance
• we feel the burdens of those still in the trenches fighting for their lives with an even greater intensity
• we remember our friends in the battle whose lives have been cut way too short
• we find ourselves daily having to lay it all down again and accepting God's grace for today alone.

Tomorrow is Scan Day..

CureSearch Walk

Last weekend we had our first local CureSearch Walk.  It is so inspiring and exciting to bring this event to our area and our hospital where we can take a day to recognize the courage of our cancer warriors, remember our angels, and work together for a cure.  It is the epitome of HOPE.

The morning started early with beautiful fall weather and sunshine...

Desi and Julia...

Mr. Incredible catching up with Haley...

Jim Steiner is our Southeast Regional Cure Search director.  We are so blessed by his work and dedication to this cause...

Our own Dr. Mclean sharing a little of his vision and dream for pediatric cancer research. The treatments all of our kids receive are the result of discoveries made in the lab.  Most of our children are a part of clinical trials that enable this research to move forward to new breakthroughs, safer treatments, and better survival rates.  At CureSearch 96% of the money raised goes DIRECTLY to research.  This is how we cure kids' cancers....

Then it was time to take a moment to remember the angels.  All the courageous cancer kids whose healing came in heaven.  So many of our dear friends.  Julia wanted to send a balloon to Kate in heaven and tell her that she prays for her and her family everyday.

Watching those balloons drift away is excruciating.  Remembering all the little lives lost and the siblings, parents, and friends left behind who will never be the same.  We can never stop fighting.  The battle rages on and we will never give up.

Then all of the survivors and kids still in treatment come forward to receive their medal from a few of our medical staff.

Then it as time to walk! A huge thanks to everyone that supported Team Julia.  Your generosity is humbling.  I am excited to say that our team was in the top 3 fundraisers!! (Thus the fancy headwear) And a huge thank you to Brenda, Yvette, and the Dillard family who came out to walk with us.  You are all awesome.

A few of the precious faces of fighters and friends...

Julia was so proud of herself for walking over a mile.  At our last walk she didn't have the strength and this time she was in the lead.  All that walking, of course, makes a girl hungry. While mommy was painting faces, Julia was hitting the Krispy Kreme table.  I lost count around 18 donut holes...

Caught in the act.  Guilty :)

A few of the tshirts from the day...

I am excited to share that our first walk raised $10,750!!!!

PA Trip: Part 2

My cousin Erin and her husband Michael brought their new son home to meet the family.

Introducing precious little Liam...

He was a wonderful reason to celebrate and to get everyone together. We had a houseful of family and friends and enjoyed some sweet time together.

Michael and Erin, with proud grandparents (Joanne and Jeff), and Aunt Nicole...

They wanted to baptize Liam in the church that Erin grew up in.  It just happens that the minister who had been at the church when Erin was younger, just happened to be in town (from CA!) to do a wedding and the current minister was away for the weekend.  He was able to perform the ceremony and service.  God is in all the details.

The happy family on an exciting day...

Carter was happy to finally have a turn to hold the baby.  Seems like just the other day that he was the baby being passed around the family.

Welcome little Liam! We are so happy to have you in the family and excited to watch you grow in your walk with the Lord.  You brought everyone together this weekend to celebrate the gift of life, the bonds of family, the love of God, and the promises of heaven.  I pray you always feel loved and blessed as a part of our family, but more importantly as part of God's family.

PA Trip: Part 1

The kids and I went up to PA this month for some very special time with family.  My Pappy was turning 80, my Uncle Jeff has recently reached the end of his treatment options with cancer, and my cousin Erin and her husband Michale were bringing their new son to meet the family and be baptized. It was going to be a busy, but family-filled time.

Our first night there, Mimi and Carter were up in the sewing room crafting away.  He decided he wants a colonial soldier costume and he took his imaginative pleas to the right place.  He an Mimi closed the local Joann's fabrics and were sewing that night trying to come up with just the right combinations of patterns...

The weather was beautiful and fall-like. Perfect for some football!

 

 and tree climbing...

The kids love the basketball hoop in the yard. 

Julia has just really gotten into shooting and is getting the patience to really try.  I caught a glimpse of them out the window and my heart just melted watching him give her lessons. He patiently talked her through each shot, encouraged her, and then fetched the ball.

They couldn't wait to see their cousin Anderson again, too.  In typical Anderson-style he kept us all smiling. He was given two rules from his last visit "don't ring the bell" and "don't pick the flowers".  Now how can you possibly say "no" to this face?!

Or these faces?

They were so excited to help get everything ready for Pappy's 80th birthday party.  They made cards and got the cake ready. Pappy had no idea his granddaughters and great-grandchildren were coming and we were excited to all surprise him!

It was a fun night with lots of yummy food, laughs, sweet sentiments, and cuteness from the kids.

Happy Birthday Pappy! So blessed to share this milestone with you.  Happy you could spend the day surrounded by your three little loves!

The next morning... still picking flowers! and looking cute about it!

Now they are all getting in on the act!

This time they had an excuse.  Their cousin Kelsey was coming over and her three little admirers were making her bouquet love offerings :)

Hangin' out at the playground...

 Some people just have rhythm, some don't.  This little man is full of it and makes me smile to no end :)