February Firsts

This new found freedom has been a breath of fresh air in our family.  It has been SO long since we have just enjoyed the simple things as a family.  We were thrilled when we heard about the warm weather and the chance to be outside! Without heavy coats!

Saturday morning started at the Children's Museum.  Julia had no recollection of having been before and didn't know what to expect.  She jumped in pretty quickly and was painting with Carter...  

 

 dressing up and drumming with Daddy...

  

 and playing doctor in the hospital.  I love that they added a newborn nursery- so precious! I have to say the baby lover in me was happy to jump in and pretend, too.  Who wouldn't want to carry around one of those sweet little bundles? (and these don't wake up during the night!)

  

 Carter was happy to join in, too.  He loves any and all things medical...

  

 Then we had another birthday party in the afternoon that included swimming! The kids were so excited.  they haven't been in a pool since August.  There was lots of squealing, splashing, and fun.

 

It was so warm when we left and the sun felt so good we felt we just had to go to the park.  Julia told us she didn't know what a playground was anymore and we had to remedy that.  Some of our friends joined us and there were many more playmates at the park.  Julia was fearless climbing, sliding, swinging, and running.

  

 When we finally arrived home for dinner, she flipped on the fireplace, grabbed a sleeping bag, and curled up in the chair.  I think we wore her out.  That was the most active day she has had in a long time.

  

On Sunday morning we all headed to church and Julia went to her own Sunday School class.  I didn't really know what to expect and how she would react.  For the past week she has been very clingy.  When we're out in public she has a death grip on my finger.  This is all a new world for her.  God knew I needed some reassurance and when I walked up to her room there was Amy from my Bible study.  A friendly face who already knew her history and all my fears and concerns without my saying a word.  Thank you God.  Julia walked in confidently and was happy to see 'her boys'- Jack, Bryson, Will, and Matthew.  She pulled up a chair and got right to work.  

I stayed for a few minutes and she told me she was fine.  I'm so proud of her.  It will never cease to amaze me how she has faced every trial over the past year with such determined grace.  Her moments of weakness come in private when the two of us talk, but in the moment she steps out boldly no matter the procedure, pain, situation, or unknowns. 

  

The adjustment has been easier than I imagined.  The hypervigilance has faded (I do still bristle when I hear or see an actively sick child, but I'm learning to relax) and I'm just savoring the moments in still frame in my mind.  I don't want to forget what a blessing all of this is to us.  God has so faithfully carried us every single step of this journey and He hasn't stopped.  The kids have been singing the song, You Never Let Go (by Matt Redman) lately...

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

It touches my heart so deeply to see them learning just how faithful their God is to each of them, meeting them exactly where they are right now.

I confess I did shed a few tears as I walked away and headed to worship.  Tears of joy for reaching this milestone.  Tears of sadness for the year of innocent childhood she lost.  Tears of gratitude for her healing and strength.  Tears of appreciation for the wonderful people who have faithfully walked alongside us for this marathon journey and are still there.  Happy tears that God has been so good to us.

And another first...  

Julia has been asking daily when she will have pigtails again.  So today we made it happen- 'pebbles flinstone style'.  I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the curls.  Her hair is so different now.  I know it's just hair, but her ringlet, shoulder-length curls were a part of her.  A part that will always live in my memories.  It's just a reminder of the cruelty of cancer.  We don't talk about it and we rejoice with her ever growing silky soft hair.  She's excited to be wearing bows again and will be so happy when people stop calling her a boy.  Kids especially make the mistake.  She gets very feisty about it and makes her point known.

 

I love that silly face, no longer hidden by a mask.  It will be nice when we reach the point when her body is no longer covered by bandages and Sharpie marks.  Though the scars of her courageous battle will always remain.  It's wonderful to see the twinkle back in her eyes :)