We had a family speak in our Sunday School class last month. The father was sharing his family's difficult journey over the past few years. They are a Christian family with three teen/college-age children whom attend a private Christian school- all active in sports, church, and extracurricular activities. Life seemed to be going along great.
When the oldest was a high school sophomore, she had a resume that would make any parent beam and everything in the world going for her. Midway through the school year, she found herself extremely depressed, overwhelmed, struggling with an eating disorder, and having suicidal thoughts. It caught everyone in their household by surprise. Even she was shocked by what she was feeling and experiencing. Her struggle lasted for many months She missed the second half of the school year, while she fought for her life. After their father spoke, both daughters candidly shared their experiences, fears, worries, stresses, and perceptions of life and their parents.
Hearing their hearts really took me back to those crazy years of high school. It is one of the best times of life, but also full of stress and struggles. As an over-achiever and strong student high school was one big deadline. I loved all the sports, activities, performing arts, community service, and classroom challenges. I was in a highly competitive high school in northern VA, outside of DC. It was a pressure cooker. I have never worked so hard in my life or gotten so little sleep. As crazy at it all was I have some many amazing memories of all the activities, competitions, friendships, teachers, and experiences. I was successful by so many worldly standards, but was it best?
As I listened to the girls sharing, so many thoughts and emotions were swirling in my mind. I could so relate to what they went through and it really made me think about the future for our kids. Is this what I wanted for them? If not, what did I want? What does God want for them? I decided to write a letter to myself while they're young, before I forget what I've learned...
Dear Me in 10 years,
Life with teenagers is very busy, I imagine. There is more to accomplish than the hours of a day, week, or month allow. It is hard to believe they are so grown up. Soon they will be spreading their wings and finding their own way in this world. Where did the time go? As we parent them now, I want my role to be shifting. We are no longer in the driver's seat of their lives. They are at the wheel. We are still in the car for a few years, but they must learn to navigate and react independently.
As parents, it is our responsibility to help bind our kids hearts before they leave home. From the very moment they are born their journey towards independence begins, one small step at a time. We are raising them to leave us and thrive on their own. As we detach their connections and utter dependency on us, what are we binding their hearts to? Are we binding them to the world? How do we choose what to expose them to and encourage? What is permissible? What is not? Do we focus on grades, activities, competitions, sporting events, test scores, class ranking, and college admissions? Do we praise them for appearances and great finishes? Are we comparing them to their peers to see how they measure up? Are we teaching them that performance matters first? Or are we binding their hearts to God?
By this point we have (hopefully) taught them how to succeed and encouraged them in developing their God-given gifts. We have exposed them to opportunities and experiences to grow their hearts and minds. We have (hopefully) discipled and encouraged them to pursue the Christian faith for themselves. But.... I pray we are also teaching them how to fail. Sounds crazy, but I want them to know what to do when they do not succeed, when the outcome is out of their hands. I want them to know what to do when they make mistakes and let down the people they love. I want them to know what to do when they let God down. When they make mistakes and the consequences are painful.
I pray our home is a haven for grace. I want to be a safe place for them to escape from the pressures of life and society. The world demands SO much of self-motivated, academic, and driven youth. I want them to know their real purpose in this world. God has a special assignment for each one of us. A task that we have been designed to complete that will bring Him glory. A unique piece in His eternal plan.
Ten years from now, as we are preparing to send them into the world, I pray they are flying under their Father's loving gaze, with His voice in their ears, His love in their hearts, His strength under their wings, and His path gleaming in their eyes. I pray they are filled with true HOPE and an understanding of what it means to hold the faith. As they prepare to journey through the world on their own path, I pray they have the strength to live in this world but not of it.
Don't give up. Don't get discouraged. Speak words of praise into them. Lead by example, not always in words. Never hesitate to apologize and ask forgiveness. Seek God's wisdom in all things. Pray for them earnestly and continuously. Give them over to Him daily.
Love,
me, mom to two preschoolers
When the oldest was a high school sophomore, she had a resume that would make any parent beam and everything in the world going for her. Midway through the school year, she found herself extremely depressed, overwhelmed, struggling with an eating disorder, and having suicidal thoughts. It caught everyone in their household by surprise. Even she was shocked by what she was feeling and experiencing. Her struggle lasted for many months She missed the second half of the school year, while she fought for her life. After their father spoke, both daughters candidly shared their experiences, fears, worries, stresses, and perceptions of life and their parents.
Hearing their hearts really took me back to those crazy years of high school. It is one of the best times of life, but also full of stress and struggles. As an over-achiever and strong student high school was one big deadline. I loved all the sports, activities, performing arts, community service, and classroom challenges. I was in a highly competitive high school in northern VA, outside of DC. It was a pressure cooker. I have never worked so hard in my life or gotten so little sleep. As crazy at it all was I have some many amazing memories of all the activities, competitions, friendships, teachers, and experiences. I was successful by so many worldly standards, but was it best?
As I listened to the girls sharing, so many thoughts and emotions were swirling in my mind. I could so relate to what they went through and it really made me think about the future for our kids. Is this what I wanted for them? If not, what did I want? What does God want for them? I decided to write a letter to myself while they're young, before I forget what I've learned...
Dear Me in 10 years,
Life with teenagers is very busy, I imagine. There is more to accomplish than the hours of a day, week, or month allow. It is hard to believe they are so grown up. Soon they will be spreading their wings and finding their own way in this world. Where did the time go? As we parent them now, I want my role to be shifting. We are no longer in the driver's seat of their lives. They are at the wheel. We are still in the car for a few years, but they must learn to navigate and react independently.
As parents, it is our responsibility to help bind our kids hearts before they leave home. From the very moment they are born their journey towards independence begins, one small step at a time. We are raising them to leave us and thrive on their own. As we detach their connections and utter dependency on us, what are we binding their hearts to? Are we binding them to the world? How do we choose what to expose them to and encourage? What is permissible? What is not? Do we focus on grades, activities, competitions, sporting events, test scores, class ranking, and college admissions? Do we praise them for appearances and great finishes? Are we comparing them to their peers to see how they measure up? Are we teaching them that performance matters first? Or are we binding their hearts to God?
By this point we have (hopefully) taught them how to succeed and encouraged them in developing their God-given gifts. We have exposed them to opportunities and experiences to grow their hearts and minds. We have (hopefully) discipled and encouraged them to pursue the Christian faith for themselves. But.... I pray we are also teaching them how to fail. Sounds crazy, but I want them to know what to do when they do not succeed, when the outcome is out of their hands. I want them to know what to do when they make mistakes and let down the people they love. I want them to know what to do when they let God down. When they make mistakes and the consequences are painful.
I pray our home is a haven for grace. I want to be a safe place for them to escape from the pressures of life and society. The world demands SO much of self-motivated, academic, and driven youth. I want them to know their real purpose in this world. God has a special assignment for each one of us. A task that we have been designed to complete that will bring Him glory. A unique piece in His eternal plan.
Ten years from now, as we are preparing to send them into the world, I pray they are flying under their Father's loving gaze, with His voice in their ears, His love in their hearts, His strength under their wings, and His path gleaming in their eyes. I pray they are filled with true HOPE and an understanding of what it means to hold the faith. As they prepare to journey through the world on their own path, I pray they have the strength to live in this world but not of it.
Don't give up. Don't get discouraged. Speak words of praise into them. Lead by example, not always in words. Never hesitate to apologize and ask forgiveness. Seek God's wisdom in all things. Pray for them earnestly and continuously. Give them over to Him daily.
Love,
me, mom to two preschoolers
2 comments:
I needed to read this now. Showing grace is a hard area for me and yet I know that my children desperately need it. Thanks for speaking my heart.
Heather
Thanks for sharing that, Amber. Such a great reminder. It's what it's all about.
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