Another Angel

Precious Ellie Potvin has earned her angel wings this morning at 11:35am.

The tears are overflowing.  It is devastating to see what this sweet child had to endure as cancer ravaged her entire body.  The suffering takes my breath away.  She fought so bravely to the very last minute and continued to minister to those around her until Jesus finally carried her home.

I cannot even imagine what this family is feeling right now as they prepare to spend the weekend saying goodbye and burying their child, while the rest of the world enjoys summer bbqs, trips to the pool, and time with their friends.  It just makes no sense.

I hate cancer.  I hate the pain.  I hate the hearbreak.  I hate the way it destroys children and robs innocence.  I hate that we have nothing to offer children like Ellie who relapse with rhabdomyosarcoma.  I hate the way it sneaks in and takes over after she enjoyed 9 months in remission.  I hate the way it kidnaps life and makes its own rules.  I hate moving another child's name to the "angel" column on my blog.  I hate it!



But sweet Ellie is so much more than cancer that killed her.  She is an amazing little girl with a gift of overflowing kindness, pure joy, divine wisdom, and deep compassion.  Her days may have seemed too short, but her testimony reached over a million before her life on earth even ended.  She accomplished God's plan for her on earth in eight short years and we rejoice that she is now completely healed, singing and dancing in the streets of heaven with her loving Savior.  We will never forget you Ellie!

We will continue the fight in your memory and others that have gone before you.  We will never stop fighting for pediatric cancer funding. Those, like us, who have been blessed to still walk in remission will carry the torch forward for all the courageous cancer kids and angels. 

Please pray for her family and friends, and her dear twin sister Grace whose very being has been broken in two...

Letter to Myself

We had a family speak in our Sunday School class last month.  The father was sharing his family's difficult journey over the past few years.  They are a Christian family with three teen/college-age children whom attend a private Christian school- all active in sports, church, and extracurricular activities.  Life seemed to be going along great.

When the oldest was a high school sophomore, she had a resume that would make any parent beam and everything in the world going for her.  Midway through the school year, she found herself extremely depressed, overwhelmed, struggling with an eating disorder, and having suicidal thoughts.  It caught everyone in their household by surprise.  Even she was shocked by what she was feeling and experiencing.  Her struggle lasted for many months  She missed the second half of the school year, while she fought for her life.  After their father spoke, both daughters candidly shared their experiences, fears, worries, stresses, and perceptions of life and their parents.

Hearing their hearts really took me back to those crazy years of high school.  It is one of the best times of life, but also full of stress and struggles.  As an over-achiever and strong student high school was one big deadline.  I loved all the sports, activities, performing arts, community service, and classroom challenges.  I was in a highly competitive high school in northern VA, outside of DC.  It was a pressure cooker.  I have never worked so hard in my life or gotten so little sleep.  As crazy at it all was I have some many amazing memories of all the activities, competitions, friendships, teachers, and experiences.  I was successful by so many worldly standards, but was it best?

As I listened to the girls sharing, so many thoughts and emotions were swirling in my mind.  I could so relate to what they went through and it really made me think about the future for our kids.  Is this what I wanted for them?  If not, what did I want? What does God want for them? I decided to write a letter to myself while they're young, before I forget what I've learned...


Dear Me in 10 years,


Life with teenagers is very busy, I imagine.  There is more to accomplish than the hours of a day, week, or month allow.  It is hard to believe they are so grown up.  Soon they will be spreading their wings and finding their own way in this world.  Where did the time go? As we parent them now, I want my role to be shifting.  We are no longer in the driver's seat of their lives.  They are at the wheel.  We are still in the car for a few years, but they must learn to navigate and react independently.


As parents, it is our responsibility to help bind our kids hearts before they leave home.  From the very moment they are born their journey towards independence begins, one small step at a time.  We are raising them to leave us and thrive on their own.  As we detach their connections and utter dependency on us, what are we binding their hearts to? Are we binding them to the world? How do we choose what to expose them to and encourage? What is permissible? What is not? Do we focus on grades, activities, competitions, sporting events, test scores, class ranking, and college admissions? Do we praise them for appearances and great finishes? Are we comparing them to their peers to see how they measure up? Are we teaching them that performance matters first? Or are we binding their hearts to God?


By this point we have (hopefully) taught them how to succeed and encouraged them in developing their God-given gifts.  We have exposed them to opportunities and experiences to grow their hearts and minds.  We have (hopefully) discipled and encouraged them to pursue the Christian faith for themselves.  But.... I pray we are also teaching them how to fail.  Sounds crazy, but I want them to know what to do when they do not succeed, when the outcome is out of their hands.  I want them to know what to do when they make mistakes and let down the people they love.  I want them to know what to do when they let God down.  When they make mistakes and the consequences are painful.  

I pray our home is a haven for grace.  I want to be a safe place for them to escape from the pressures of life and society.  The world demands SO much of self-motivated, academic, and driven youth.  I want them to know their real purpose in this world. God has a special assignment for each one of us.  A task that we have been designed to complete that will bring Him glory.  A unique piece in His eternal plan.

Ten years from now, as we are preparing to send them into the world, I pray they are flying under their Father's loving gaze, with His voice in their ears, His love in their hearts, His strength under their wings, and His path gleaming in their eyes.  I pray they are filled with true HOPE and an understanding of what it means to hold the faith.  As they prepare to journey through the world on their own path, I pray they have the strength to live in this world but not of it.  

Don't give up.  Don't get discouraged.  Speak words of praise into them.  Lead by example, not always in words.  Never hesitate to apologize and ask forgiveness.  Seek God's wisdom in all things.  Pray for them earnestly and continuously.  Give them over to Him daily.


Love,
me, mom to two preschoolers

Homeschool (Summer 2010 Edition)

I like to periodically update what we are doing for homeschool.  (Here is last year's summer homeschool update.)  Things change often as the kids grow and learn, we discover new things, I find a great new product, I attend a HS convention, I get bored, etc.  We took a pretty big break in April and May due to our trips to PA, OH, FL, and Jax; having company; illness; appts; and helping out some friends.  This is definitely one of the huge benefits of homeschooling.  We are able to adjust our schedule as our life demands or God leads.  We can also take it wherever we go when we visit family out of town.  Being the teacher and principal definitely has its perks! Now we are back at it full speed.

Carter started his formal schooling at 3 1/2 and has worked pretty much continuously since then.  We do school year round which allows us more time for small breaks, holidays, and travel.  Julia has participated with us on and off, but never regularly.  After her cancer diagnosis last year, she stopped completely and focused on fighting the battle at hand.  For the past six months we have been giving her time to recover, heal, readjust, and relearn the things she lost.  We did not start back with actual academics until this week.

At this point, Carter would be technically a beginning first grader and Julia is doing PreK-4 and some kindergarten.  The luxury of one-on-one instruction is moving at the child's individual pace and tailoring every subject to their current level.  We do our 'table' schoolwork altogether now, usually in the mornings for 2-3 hours.  Other subjects (read alouds, art, music, etc.) are done on a varied schedule throughout the week.

A lot of people have asked where we put all of our stuff.  Do we have a schoolroom? Well, sort of.  I used half of our bonus room when I was teaching just Carter, but with two we needed more space and table top.  I have two tall book shelves in our bonus room that hold our books and materials.  Our art and school supplies are in the hall closet.  All our reading books are housed on one giant IKEA shelving system in our foyer.  Our piles of library books live in blue over-sized IKEA bags.  I have started keeping each child's core curriculum in a colored tote bin.  I have one for each and a shared bin.  This way we are portable.  If we want to work outside, in the kitchen, or while at someone's house we can just pick up and go.  I love having all their books at my fingertips!

SUBJECTS WE DO TOGETHER:
BIBLE:
Jesus Wants All of Me (breakfast devotion)
Leading Little Ones to God by Schoolland
CHARACTER:
A Child's Book of Character Building by R and R Coriell 
Emotions:Photo Learning Cards (Key Education)
ART AND MUSIC:
Artistic Pursuits K-3 Book 1
Kinderbach (piano and music theory DVDs for 2-7yr olds)
Instant Recorder Fun by Poffenberger (using $2 recorder's from Michael's)
SCIENCE:
Developing Critical Thinking Through Science Book 1 (Critical Thinking Co)
HISTORY:
The Light and the Glory for Children (book and activity book) by Marshall & Manuel
Geography Songs by Troxel
READ ALOUDS:
oodles of library books and chapter books


JULIA'S PRE-K 4:
HANDWRITING: 
Handwriting Without Tears
MATH:
Disney Learning Pooh workbooks
Mathematical Reasoning Beg 2 (Critical Thinking Co)
Active Minds Math PreK
Big Preschool Workbook (School Zone)
Brainy Blocks
Patternables (Learning Resources)
READING:
Disney Learning Early Skills workbooks
Ready, Set, Go Level 1 readers and others
CRITICAL THINKING:
Building Thinking Skills Beginning (Critical Thinking Co)
Dr DooRiddles A1 (Critical Thinking Co)
FINE MOTOR:
My First Book of Cutting (Kumon)
Easy Crafts (Kumon)

CARTER'S 1st GRADE: 
WRITING:
Writing With Ease Lev 1 (Susan Wise Bauer)
READING:
Primers and Readers (J.P. Lippincott) They were mine as a child!
Language Smarts LevB (Critical Thinking Co.)
Reading Comp Gr1 (Steck-Vaughn)
SPELLING:
All About Spelling Lev 1 by Marie Rippel
MATH:
Daily Warm Ups Gr1 (Teacher Created Resources)
Singapore Math 1B with Frank Schaffer supplemental workbooks
Word Problems Gr1 (TCR)
Math Games Gr1 (TCR)
Hot Dots (addition, subtraction)
Software: Quarter Mile Math, Mindbenders
SCIENCE :
Exploring Creation with Astronomy by Jeannie Fulbright (Apologia)
Knowledge Box Central Lapbook (for the above text)
HISTORY/GEOGRAPHY:
US Govt Lapbook K-2  (Knowledge Box Central)
Beginning Map Skills Gr 2-4 (TCR)
Around the World game (LOVE this from Dollar Tree!!)
atlases and puzzles
variety of fiction and nonfiction literature
CRITICAL THINKING:
Dr. Dooriddles A2 (Critical Thinking Co.)
Building Thinking Skills Book 1 (Critical Thinking Co)
FINE MOTOR:
Amazing Crafts (Kumon)

Whew, quite a list! Please know we obviously do not do all of these everyday. Some are only once a week and some will come later in the academic year.  With others we jump between a variety of books at once.  In looking over the list many of my most favorite resource companies are listed, definitely many of my 'go-to' favorites.  It has been exciting to finally get into all of these books.  I have been exploring my options over the past couple years- researching, trial and error, talking to friends, and finally at the Ohio HS Convention (a-ma-zing!!).  And I am happy to say we are at a good place with both kids.  One of my biggest revelations over the past year has been honing my focus.  Our three central priorities are:

• binding my children's hearts to God in every way I can and am called to do.
• character above academics.
• and teaching them how to think and learn.  The ability to think critically and process information, trumps memorizing content any day.

And the rest just falls into place.

Nothing But the Blood

There's been a lot of talk about blood in our house in the past year.- counts, finger pricks, CBCs, port access, transfusions, etc.

Carter's fascination with the African Children's Choir continues and he can be found wearing headphones, belting out their music regularly.  I love hearing his  version of the lyrics, so sweet.  But the words are sinking in.  The other day he and Julia were playing trains in his room.  I could hear them from downstairs.  In the middle of 'train' conversation, Carter says, "Julia, did you know nothing can wash away our sins except the blood of Jesus."  She replied, "Yes, Carter." And they went back to playing.

Through our faith we knew that blood brought life.  Shed blood of a perfect sacrifice atones for our sins and makes our hearts clean.  But we have also experienced that tangible life-giving blood firsthand this past year.  Last June (almost exactly one year ago), Julia's health was rapidly declining and she was unable to get out of bed.  Her hemoglobin was dropping fast and she needed a blood transfusion.

I have never thought much about this life giving blood until it was dripping into my daughter.  I knew it saved lives during traumas and surgeries, but I had never thought about the thousands of children with cancer who depend on this blood to live and fight.  Without blood and platelets they could never stand against the devastation of chemotherapy drugs.  Julia only needed one transfusion during treatment, most chemo patients receive dozens and dozens.

In a few short days she was back on her feet, smiling, and playing...

Many people right now are stretched financially.  In turn charitable giving often drops off, too.  But never forget that one of the most lifesaving gifts is completely FREE.  If you're ever feeling powerless against the fight for pediatric cancer, remember that the simple act of donating blood can save the life of a child, probably one in your very own city.  We may not be able to cure cancer, ease suffering, pay off medical bills, comfort the grieving families, or discover a new treatment- but without the precious gift of blood none of those things will even matter.  You already possess exactly what these kids need to live and fight another day.

Many areas of the country are facing blood shortages right now.  There have been several local shortages of platelets in the past weeks.  There is a critical shortage of O negative nationwide.  Some of the patients at Brenner's have had to wait for hours while blood products were transported from other hospitals in the state because they were completely out at our hospital. Click here to find a blood drive in your area.

And if you were ever curious what this process looks like on a Mercy ship floating off the coast of west Africa, just check out Ali's account of her experience with blood.

Summer Fun in Pictures

Washer Woes

I never planned for "Appliances" to be a regular appearance on the blog, but it just seems to keep popping up.  This time we moved into the laundry room.

Back in May, I was putting in a load of dirty clothes to run while I was out of the house.  Re-potty training Julia is still a work in progress.  We are still tweaking all her bowel meds to find just the right levels for success.  That said, poopy underwear have got to be one of my least favorite "mommy chores".  That and being majorly thrown up on are about the only thing that make my stomach turn. (I've actually had a kid vomit into my face once.  I'll leave it at that and spare you the intricate details.  Let me just add we were deplaning our flight at the time.) 

Back to the washer, we had several pairs of poopy underwear in the washer already.  It had not been a good start to the week.  I planned to dry the clothes when I came home, before bed, so Carter could have his baseball uniform the next day.  When I went to switch the load, the door was still locked.  Strange.  I tried to turn it off?  Nothing.  Reset? Nothing.  Unplug? Nothing.  Now I just want my clothes back and the washer is holding them hostage! I have to say part of me empathizes with the washer.  After all the nastiness it sees, I might go on strike myself :)

Billy found a solution on the internet and took of the bottom panel to press the emergency door release button.  Whew.  Now I have a load of wet, smelly, dirty clothes.  We tried to run the washer with no luck.  But at least I have the nasty clothes.  Just need to find somewhere to wash them in the morning.

In a lovely twist of fate, Julia wakes up crying at 5am.  Not at all a good sign.  I go upstairs to find her drenched in puke.  The poor child has the stomach bug for the THIRD time in 6 weeks! I clean her up and hold her till she comes down.  She proceeds to puke on both of us.  We get cleaned up and I take her downstairs with me where she throws up in our bed, too.  Really?! With no washer?!!  The ick factor has now grown exponentially.  This happened to be the same morning we found out that our little friend Vinny's cancer had relapsed and he was in extreme pain and being referred to hospice.

As a mom, I cannot just crawl in a hole to cry out to God, life must go on.  I called our sweet neighbor and asked if we could use her washer.  The contaminated laundry was about to overtake us.  She immediately said yes.  I arrived at her door with baskets of soiled clothes, towels, and bedding; wearing pajamas covered in barf, unshowered, and crying because my heart was breaking for Vinny and his family.  But feeling so blessed because God put such sweet neighbors in our lives.

As I went back home to attempt to clean us all up I had to stop for a moment of humility because as stressful as all of this is, I remember daily how privileged I am to live in this country.  When my children are sick, I fill a clean bath and wash them, offer them a drink of clean water, given them the medicine they need, dress them in clean clothes, and love on them.  In the majority of homes in the world clean water is not available, baths do not clean, washers do not exist, soap is a luxury, and floors are made of dirt.  We are so abundantly privileged.  I say often how much  I love my dishwasher and my washing machine and I truly do, even when they aren't working.

So the next day we called in the repair service.  I had to laugh because as soon as he arrived, Carter grabbed his Handy Manny tools and hard hat and was ready to help.  After a long series of calls to Whirlpool, diagnostic tests, and disassembly- it was determined that our door locking problem was actually a computer problem. The new part would be $300.  As the repairman called me in to deliver the news, Julia decided to relieve herself  (in both ways) on the couch because she was absorbed in the book she was reading.  My patience was wearing very thin and we still had no washer.  The man said we had to decide if we wanted to fix it or buy a new one.     

Little does he know, we did that already.  When we got married we bought the Maytag HE set.  Two years later we were washing clothes when the washer started smoking.  Fire and water are never a good mix.  Turns out that series of machines were lemons, but the warranties were up, so it was our loss.  That's when we got the Whirlpool.  We have been so happy with it up until now.  We decided to give it a shot and order the part.  It should be here in a week.  Until then, this will have to do...

Which is not easy when you consider the wares...

Who in the world decided these things should be white?! I'm guessing it was Shout or Tide or Wisk :)

Anyway thanks to our laundry fairy friends we were able to wash our clothes at others' homes.  They even delivered it to us sometimes.  Talk about a blessing!

The new part arrived after the holiday and a new repairman, Phil, came to install it.  Turns out the computer in question was not at fault.  There are multiple computers in these machines and they go down like dominoes.  The guy was amazing in his efforts to diagnose and fix our problem.  His passion on the phone with Whirlpool, advocating on our behalf was impressive.  He ended up getting them to comp us the next computer.  Each one is $300 until you eventually find the end of the line, but it would be another week until it came in.

Phil came back again with the new part and determination to fix this for us.  I am elated to say it worked.  And Phil did not charge us for the multiple visits.  He was so honest and had such integrity that after profusely thanking him, I decided to pick his brain about washers.  We adore our HE machines, but obviously have had some issues.  He said that is true of all of them.  They are computerized.  It is the equivalent of exposing your laptop to heat, cold, water, dirt, soap, and agitation.  Things can and will go wrong.  He said they have yet to see a brand that consistently lasts into the double digit years of use without repairs.  That said, he recommends Whirlpool because they have the best diagnostics, customer service, and ability to fix broken parts.  So whatever it's worth, I hope that's helpful.

I still love our washer and did 6 loads that first night and we haven't slowed down much with swimming, potty training, and the many messes of summer.  If it's possible I'm even more thankful for that crazy machine of ours.  Three weeks without it definitely made my heart grow fonder! When I discovered at bedtime tonight that Julia had peed through everything last night and didn't tell me, I was able to smile (after sighing loudly) because I could throw it all in and wash it clean.  Well, it just beeped, time to switch the sheets :)

Shifting Sports Seasons

Soccer season seemed to come and go in a blur.

 

After the first game a streak of rain and soggy fields delayed game after game.  In the end we were playing multiple games a week to finish the season on time.  It was like someone hit the fast forward button.  The kids handled it all really well.

Carter's team matured so much this season.  For almost all of them, this is their last time in the Under-6 division before they age up next year.  They are beginning to really understand the game and field positions.  They pass before shooting and don't fight each other for the ball.

Julia was a happy spectator again this season.  We had hopes she may have been able to start playing this season, but she was still recovering from treatment and hadn't had her port removed yet.  I was afraid she's be disappointed, but she seemed to accept it pretty easily and started telling everyone she was playing soccer in the fall- perfect.  For now she is happy to watch, cheer, and eat...

Carter, we are so proud of you for giving your all very time you play.  You never give a half effort.  You come into very game ready to go and never let the score affect you.  I love the way you cheer on your teammates.  After every goal or good play you bolt across the field to give high fives.  But most of all you enjoy what you're doing, being part of a team, and helping those around you succeed. 

As soon as the uniform was folded and the cleats were washed, it was time for baseball season.

So grab your gear and let's play ball!

Baseball is still by far Carter's favorite sport.  I cannot believe this is his 4th season playing! We switched from the YMCA this year and are now playing for JYL. They are a part of the national Pony Baseball and follow a set standard for rules, skills, and coaching.

Carter is completely in his element on the ballfield.  He takes it all very seriously.  He has been following the rules and playing for outs for quite a while now.  He means business.  We are helping him learn to be solely a teammate.  If given the choice he would play, coach, umpire, and manage the equipment, simultaneously.

His favorite positions to play are the infield.  He looks forward to next season when they use catchers.  He is all about the defense and preventing runs from being scored.

When he plays pitcher next to the coach, he always tags home plate, then throws to first base...

He also likes playing on first base.  All the action of catching the throws and trying to beat the runner is right up his alley.

And he will do whatever it takes to make the play, even if he has to throw himself on the ground.

OUCH! There was an audible gasp in the crowd after this one.  He got back up and shook it off after a few minutes.  He's all about making the Top 10 play for SportsCenter :)

His hitting has continued to steadily improved.  He is consistently switch-hitting this season and hits equally well on both sides.  When we asked him how he decides, he told us, "I have to keep changing to keep the pitcher guessing."  Now mind you, this is coach-pitch!

He still loves to slide and slides into almost every base.  Tell me again why they make little boys wear white baseball pants?!

It has been a fabulous season.  Daddy has really enjoyed assistant coaching.  The team has really improved.  Even though they aren't playing for outs, they have been consistently getting their 3 outs in a timely fashion.  I'm excited to see them all next year in the bigger leagues :)  Go Jayhawks!!