I Corinthians 13 for Mothers

by Jim Fowler

If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place,
but have not love,
I am a housekeeper, not a homemaker.

If I have time for waxing, polishing, and decorative achievements,
but have not love,
my children learn cleanliness, not godliness.

If I scream at my children for every infraction, and fault them for every mess they make,
but have not love,
my children become people-pleasers, not obedient children.

Love leaves the dust in search of a child’s laugh.
Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window.
Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk.
Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.
Love accepts the fact that I am the ever-present “mommy,” the taxi-driver to every childhood event, the counselor when my children fail or are hurt.
Love crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, and runs with the child, then stands aside to let the youth walk into adulthood.

Before I became a mother I took glory in my house of perfection.
Now I glory in God’s perfection of my child.

All the projections I had for my house and my children
have faded away into insignificance and what remain are the memories of my kids.
Now there abides in my home scratches on most of the furniture, dishes with missing place settings, and bedroom walls full of stickers, posters and markings,

But the greatest of all is the Love that permeates my relationships with my children.

Just Below the Surface

We are clearly living in the shadow of scanxiety around here.  I was talking with a friend recently about what that actually looks like.  If you could peek into each of us this is what you might find...

• we find ourselves awkwardly impatient and short with each other, especially the kids- 'parental guilt' takes on a whole new meaning
• we pick fights about non-issues to release some of the pressure
• we take the time to really reflect at how far we've come and how gracious our God has been
• we cry when we least expect it
• we crave praise music and time in the Word with the same intensity we crave oxygen
• we wrestle daily with the demons... the what-ifs, the fears, the fate of those who've gone before us
• we ponder the numbers... the chance of relapse, the duration from the end of treatment to relapse, the possibilities of other complications, the options
• we can't help but be hyper-sensitive to physical symptoms and what they might indicate.  Never again will there be 'just a fever', 'just a pain', or 'just an illness'
• we weigh the side effects of every past and future treatment, drug, scan, or test.  With cancer you go to the end limits of 'normal exposure' and then jump off the cliff.  Now we just try to juggle it all and pray that in 'scanning safer' we aren't missing anything.
• sometimes we just sit in the silence and be because we don't want to say aloud what we both know the other is thinking
• we linger a little longer, hug a little tighter, read one more story, and take one more glance
• we feel the burdens of those still in the trenches fighting for their lives with an even greater intensity
• we find ourselves daily having to lay it all down again and accepting God's grace for today alone.

We are 4 days away from Scan Day...

Prayers for our Children...

Thank you, John Piper, for this wonderful list to use when praying for our children.  It so succinctly summarizes our deepest desires and hope for each of them.  I love to keep these tucked safely in my Bible for quiet time prayers.  Sometimes I hang them up above the sink, on the mirror, or in the laundry room where I can spend my working time in prayer...


That Jesus will call them and no one will hinder them from coming.

Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” And he laid his hands on them and went away. (Matthew 19:13-15)

That they will respond in faith to Jesus’ faithful, persistent call.

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. (2 Peter 3:9)

That they will experience sanctification through the transforming work of the Holy Spirit and will increasingly desire to fulfill the greatest commandments.

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:37-39)

That they will not be unequally yoked in intimate relationships, especially marriage.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

That their thoughts will be pure.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

That their hearts will be stirred to give generously to the Lord's work.

All the men and women, the people of Israel, whose heart moved them to bring anything for the work that the Lord had commanded by Moses to be done brought it as a freewill offering to the Lord. (Exodus 35:29)

That when the time is right, they will GO!

And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20)

Weekend Fun Recap

Since this weekend has been something like living under the bathroom faucet, I thought I would reminisce about last weekend.  We have seriously had over 3 inches of rain in about 36 hours.  I think someone in heaven forgot to turn the water off.  That is until Pastor Chris explained to all of us what was actually going on :) Now we're just giving God the GLORY!

Last weekend was gorgeous- a slight ease in the heat and humidity and picturesque Carolina blue skies...

We decided to head to the zoo.  Daddy doesn't often get the chance to go with us, so we were all extra excited to be going.  We are so fortunate to have such a great zoo 30 min from our house.  The animals are incredible, the shaded trails a great workout, and the flowers and landscape are just an added bonus

The lion pair were devouring their meat bones...

The chimps were putting on quite a display- chasing, yelling, hugging, and climbing...

The new lemurs are so cute to watch.  They hop like they are spring-loaded...

The kids were excited about the new 4D movie.  They pretend to be Dora and Diego rescuing animals all the time...

We had a picnic lunch and the kids had fun feeding the birds....

Julia was less than impressed when the same bird landed on the branch above her head and pooped on her pizza! Oh my!! It really is a jungle out there :)

Carter has a favorite in the Aviary house whom he's followed around since he was a toddler...

The mommy and baby elephant were so sweet...

A great day topped off with ICEEs on the ride home.  What could be better?

After church on Sunday, we went to Wet N Wild for some water fun.  Carter's new favorite is Shipwreck Cove.  he jumps off the highest part of the ship he can and swims all the way back around.  Though I have to say about 20 times and he's good and worn out for the day.

Billy and I have been taking a few jumps ourselves.  It's definitely been a long time since the high-dive jumping days of our youth :)

We met up with some great friends from church.  That's one of the best parts of the water park.  We always run into someone to hang out with.  I love Jacob's face...

Julia and Jensen...

It was a perfect weekend all around!

Julia Update

I figured we were due for an update on where things stand on the health front.

Julia's antibiotic for her UTI kicked in after about 3 days.  In the meantime she spent some time resting, relaxing, and healing. 

I waited a week to call back for her urine cultures because the office was closed for the holiday weekend.  When I was able to get through I was given the run around about what her actual results were.  The nurse kept telling me her antibiotic was sufficient, but would not tell me what had grown.  I gave her Julia's history and she said she'd talk to the doctor and get right back to me.  She did, but still would not tell me what grew in her urine. I don't understand.  We need to know what the cause is, so we can take action to prevent it in the future.  When you only have one kidney, you can't risk infections.

I continued to feel frustrated.  It also really concerns me that she had such visible blood in her urine.  For Wilms' tumor patients that is often a sign of relapse.  Our pediatrician did not even feel her abdomen.  He saw no need to talk to urology or oncology, but his answer to all my questions was, "I don't know."  (If any of you cancer-survivor parents out there have advice for getting the best pediatric/primary care post-treatment, I would love to hear it.  This has been a tough one for us lately.) The more Billy and I talked about it, we just couldn't let it go.  I called her urologist to let them know about the UTI and called oncology to let them know what was happening.  Both nurses were very concerned, took excellent notes, talked to the doctors, called peds, and got results and called me back in less than an hour.  Dr. McLean was very concerned about relapse and wanted to know asap what her culture had grown.  Fortunately, it was gram neg rods- pointing to ecoli.  That makes sense in her case because of the constant stool in her pullups, diapers.  It is definitely the answer we wanted.

Dr. Hodges called me personally later in the day to discuss her current urological status.  We talked about the struggles with her bowel retraining.  Given all of her history he strongly believes this is being caused from the full abdomen radiation treatments she received.  Side effects and complications.  The pages and pages of them that they gave us from all her drugs and treatments.  It's almost like a game of roulette.  You know you have to land somewhere, what will it be?  He was very helpful with an action plan for assisting her.  The daily miralax has helped with consistency, but she lacks the ability to empty her bowels.  She has been eating like a horse for weeks and has recently started to eat very little- another sign that she is impacted. So for now he wants her on stimulant laxatives and miralax.

Our kitchen counter now houses all the pediatric laxative products available on the market, appetizing, I know :) This has become our daily mission.  Fortunately, they seem to be effective and I am happy to report that Pampers are up to the challenge.  She does not seem to be too uncomfortable in the process.  She also has a really high pain threshold, so for all I know she's just tough as nails.  But we knew that already.  She seems to be sufficiently empty for now, so we can back off some.  She goes back to see GI on Monday, so they will get a chance to weigh in.  Dr. Hodges also wants her in Aveeno baths twice daily, bottom dried with a low hair dryer, and fully coated with zinc oxide.  Take that ecoli! If this becomes a lingering issue, she will go back on prophylactic bactrim until we get on top of her bowel situation again.    

So overall, things are good.  The "scanxiety" is definitely there.  We know it never goes away, but it doesn't make it seem any more normal.  We were talking about fear last night in our women's Bible study and reacting to feeling in our circumstances.  I truly believe we are not made to live in fear and God's perfect love casts out fear when we walk in faith and belief.  However, that in no way means we will not feel fearful, from time to time.  And some of us more than others.  Someone was sharing about a family history of suicide.  When that is your reality and you see evidence of it in someone you love, you will definitely feel fear.  That is the same for us.  Fearing your healthy child may get cancer, could be considered an irrational fear.  Fearing your cancer-survivor child may relapse with their cancer or a secondary cancer is very real in our world.  It is our reality.  These are the outcomes for childhood cancer survivors...

It is our sobering reality.  There is fear in the world of pediatric cancer.  We do not live in it, but we definitely feel it now and then.  The reassurance from our faith comes that God can take away our fear and replace it with HOPE.  Which He so faithfully does for us, when we give our feelings to Him.  We have full trust that whatever happens will be a part of God's perfect plan and will be used for His glory.  But it does not change the fact that we will bear witness to and experience suffering, sometimes beyond comprehension.

We have to change these statistics for our children.  These numbers are a disgrace.  Or current 40 year old protocols are not adequate and are (as the evidence shows) doing lifelong damage.  The outcomes for adult cancers are a completely different story because of research.  The price our children are paying to simply live is a travesty.  One 19yr old survivor commented when this graph was first posted that she wished her parents hadn't fought so hard when she was 3 because the side effects she is forced to live with now are just too much.  Heartbreaking.     

Talkin' Bout a Heat Wave!

It has been a scorcher lately.  Definitely not our hottest summer ever and the humidity does come and go, but the past week was hot.  Let the numbers speak for themselves...

So what to do when it's so hot? We've found some fun ways to keep busy...

Arts and crafts are always a great option.  We love these new Presto Dots from Crayola.  So easy to use and perfect for preschoolers...

Using the shade whenever we can.  Mimi and Grandpa got this new table and umbrella for the kids an we love it! (costco online)

Splashing and sliding with friends in the kiddie pool...

Purging and reorganizing the toys...

Does anyone else get tingles when they see ring tag labels? :) Man I love to label!

The kids think the new bins make better rowboats.  Maybe they have the right idea.  Instead of containerizing the stuff, just put the kids in containers.

And when you just need to get out, IKEA is a great destination.  I am so happy we have one in Charlotte now.  We used to visit the one in DC almost monthly.  I love the store, the stuff, the kids areas, the food, the prices, the people, even the bathrooms are awesome.

And to make it even better, kids ate free last month :)

And thanks to the iTouch and Leapster they were even up for an afternoon at the outlets- gotta love technology...

And of course there's always the water park.  We haven't been in a while because of illness, travel, and busy schedules- so it really feels like summer now to be able to enjoy the pool and slides...

Or just hanging out inside where it's cool...

On days when it was just too hot to even go outside, we waited until late in the evening and enjoyed family time then.  Though I must say the pavement was still quite toasty.  We probably could have cooked dinner on it easily.  Sidewalk paint is still a favorite for all of us...

and water fights, too...

Julia has been spending a lot of time in the world of Littlest Pet Shop... 

She loves animals and just discovered these cute pets a few months ago.  Her cousin Jordan so generously passed down her collection recently and Julia is like a kid in a candy store.  Much to her delight, Carter has a great time with it, too.

We've also had a great time at the Children's Museum.  When it's steamy outside you really can't beat all the air-conditioned fun and room to play under one roof.

The kids found lots of new friends to play with.  They even put on a show with some of them.  It was something about Batman saving the bunny while being chased by a zebra, all set to drum music.

You may be able to guess who the director was...

...he doubled as Batman, too.

They have a great creative station.  That day was tissue paper flowers, seahorse collages, mosaics, and free painting.  Julia dabbled in all of it...

We briefly stepped outside to see the new garden (amazing!) but the heat was too much.  We can't wait to enjoy it on a cooler day.  Even the chickens were panting! I didn't know they did that.

In heat like this, there's no better way to end the day, then jumping in the sprinkler after dinner...

We have been having an action-packed, fun-filled summer.  It is never far from our minds how far we've come.  Last summer all of these things were just a far off dream and cancer dominated everything in our family.  This year we are able to let them be kids and enjoy the simple childhood pleasures of summer.  God has blessed us in so many ways!

The Mother Load... moments of holy in the midst of the messy, mundane, and chaos.

Do you ever have one of those days when it hits you so fully that you are indeed a mother?

For some it's the first time they hold their child, or the first time they quiet their crying baby, or the first "mama", or the first time they are puked on.


For others it's on an ordinary day with a car full of kids in car seats and a full agenda.

I had one of those days recently. It went something like this..

6:30am   Wake to discover the cat's accidents on carpet and clean up mess.

6:40am   Morning quiet time. I love ending with daily readings from "Jesus Calling"

7:00am   Joined by little feet needing morning cuddles.

7:10am   Start a load of laundry. Shower while kids get dressed and bring all their concerns, issues, and disagreements to me to solve in the shower.

7:30am   Pack lunches, make breakfast, and put dinner in the cooler to drop off to friends later.

7:35am   Clean Carter's ear and face from ear tube drainage overnight.  Note to self: Call ENT!

7:40am   Pack car for VBS, picnic lunch, Safety Town, doctor's appts, play dates, and library.

7:55am   Dozen or so trips from car to house later, switch laundry, and pull out of driveway. Drink breakfast smoothie in the car. Forgot coffee :(

8:00am   Arrive at church, haul in all our bins and bags, and set up for today's games at VBS. Pass off meal for someone else to drop off. (Thank you!!)

8:15am   Change Julia pants. First accident of the day.

8:20am   Greet preschoolers and head to worship rally.

8:30am   Sneak out to make appt with ENT for Carter

8:40am   Awesome friend delivers my favorite Starbucks coffee to VBS!! Enjoy sweet time of worship with 487 kids.

8:50am   First group of VBS kids in games: 12 kids, 3 games, one potty break, 3 runny noses, 1 time out... and repeat 4 more times.

9:30am   Snack time for 55. Pray, pass, pour, spill, wipe, wash, refill, repeat.

9:50am   Back to games to finish last 4 groups.

10:10am   Stop everything to sit down with a group of preschoolers who wanted to share how cancer has impacted their own lives. (They had heard me share Julia's cancer story in worship the day before.)

12:00pm   Deep breath. Quick bathroom break. Lots of smiles from the morning's activities. Boisterous goodbyes. Pick up Carter upstairs, Julia down the hall, pack up, and load car. Change Julia again.

12:15pm   Switch Julia's car seat for afternoon playdate. Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with car seats? Man I love them, but they are work! Pass her and her gear and head off to Safety Town.

12:35pm   Arrive at Safety Town. Picnic lunch on the lawn and finish daily homework for ST.

1:00pm   Check in Carter.

1:15pm   Stop at library to return books and pay fine. Whew, relief to not be a felon for a while :) Note to self: do not let the kids' persuasive talents convince meet to check out DVDs ever again. They are always late!

1:40pm   Stop at Target for new underwear for the kids.

1:55pm   Stop at Petsmart for more fish tank filters.

2:15pm   Grocery shop at Costco. Check voicemail and return phone calls.

2:45pm   Drop off cold food at Daddy's office for refrigeration.

3:00pm   Pick up Carter at Safety Town and head to ENT appt. Find out that he prayed to accept Christ today at VBS!! Brief conversation to be continued later...

3:30pm   See ENT. Carter has severe infection in his tubs and is pulsating fluid. Doc cleans and vacuums it out. I need one of those at home! I can think of all kinds of uses. He just took the bulb syringe up 20 notches!  Three prescriptions and a follow-up appt later and we're out the door.

3:50pm   Stop at shoe store. Carter has outgrown his sneakers-again! Find shoes, but none in his size. Head to next shoe store, same trouble. Why do my kids always seem to wear the most popular size in the county?!

4:35 pm   Pick up Julia. Give kids a snack. Change her again. Switch back car seats.

5:15pm Meet Daddy for "dollar tacos" to celebrate Carter's big decision today. Love that place! Delicious fresh food and can't beat the price.

6:00pm   Take Carter to get sneakers at third shoe store of the day. He needs them for tomorrow.

6:30pm   Stop to pick up prescriptions at the pharmacy.

6:50pm   Finally return home for the first time today and unload.

Does everyone else's car look this way at the end of a busy day?

7:05pm   Put away groceries, check the mail, switch the laundry, return phone calls, give the cat her medicine, make the kids a snack, water the garden, give them showers, give everyone their medicine and vitamins, brush teeth, read books, wrestle Carter's ear drops in, talk more about the meaning of salvation, say prayers, and tuck them in.

8:25pm   Whew! It's time to sit down for a quick breather. Time to plan the games for tomorrow's VBS, lay out clothes, finish laundry, catch up with hubby, work on Bible study, read blogs, return emails.

10:30pm   Crawl into bed for quiet time with God and sleep.

These are the days I realize, in every sense of the word, I am a mother. And as crazy as it all seems sometimes, there are so may moments in each and every day when God gives us a glimpse of the holy... in the midst of the messy, mundane, and chaotic.

I pray that I have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to experience these daily. I pray I take the time daily, as many times as it takes, to center my thoughts on Him and find calm and peace in any storm. May I never be too busy to drop everything to turn my full attention to God's calling in the moment whether with my children, my husband, a friend, or a stranger. In all of the crazy busyness off the day, there were moments of pure worship, times of tender loving care for a child, laughs with friends, tough conversations with kids about cancer, sharing Biblical truth, and decisions made for Christ!

All of this on an "ordinary day". But that's just how God works. It's not something we orchestrate, prepare for or plan. It just happens.   And usually when we least expect it.