On the Eve of 'Scan Day'

We have a good couple weeks around here.  We've been trying to get into a new groove and have had some really good days.  We had a 'spring sneak preview' and enjoyed a wonderful week of warmer weather.  The kids loved playing outside.  I forgot how great it is to be able to spend hours in the backyard.  Such a blessing! 

We enjoyed a trip to the zoo.  I love these warm winter days because the place is almost completely empty.  I feel so privileged to be able to spend my days leisurely with kids.  I want to savor every moment while they are both still little. Both kids were able to walk the entire way- several miles! Julia has come so far in a short time.

We've been going for bike rides most days, too.  It still surprises me that they are both big enough to ride now.  Julia has really learned quickly and is working hard to keep up with Carter.

 Julia has been doing well.  Our latest regimen of meds for her bowel issues seemed to be doing the trick then over the weekend she came down with an intestinal bug.  The early days of this week she spent most of her days crying and irritable from stomach pain.  Ironically enough our city's water treatment filters failed this month.  We received a letter in the mail saying "the water safety was compromised, but not to be alarmed unless you have a compromised immune system, are very young, or elderly.  If you showed any signs of gastrointestinal, please contact you doctor." Great.  So a series of phone calls later we were head to the peds office with stool cultures in hand.  You know you've been at this too long when you can  have the supplies and can prep your own stool cultures at home (though the nurses really appreciate it!).  Anyway, it is likely nothing but a virus, but I'm not a big fan of the city for taking this long to tell us and not giving us (and everyone else vulnerable) the chance to give her bottled water for added protection.

 

As long as her stomach virus remains in check, tomorrow is her next scan day.  If she is still sick they don't want her in the clinic, obviously.  They have been slammed recently.  When you have a patient load of 100 and only 16 hospital beds things can get complicated when people are sick and others need inpatient chemo.  There is so much flying around right now that makes everything harder on cancer patients.  We are praising God that she has not been admitted since October and has stayed healthy until this recent little bug.  She has had no fevers or so much as a runny nose.  As anyone with young kids knows that is a miracle in itself.

As scan day has gotten closer, the anxiety has been seeping in.  I hear in my head the words I never want to hear said out loud.  I was trying to explain what it feels like and the best analogy I can think is this.  Imagine you were told the exact day, in advance, that your family would be in a car accident.  Only you had no idea the outcome.  It could be anywhere on the spectrum of not even a scratch or dent to life threatening injury.  You just have to wait and see. I trust God completely to continue to carry us through this journey, but that does not mean it will be easy and free from pain and suffering.  We have experienced that already.  I have complete faith that He is in control of this situation, but that does not guarantee healing.  I hear people say that so often.  Or faith is not outcome-dependent.

We have praised God since the earliest moments of her diagnosis, not because of circumstances, but for who He is.  In the midst of suffering and unknowns and huge life challenges, God's glory shines even more brilliantly.  A calm, gleaming, perfection in the midst of chaos.  We hung on to that rock from the beginning and enjoyed the still waters in the midst of the storm.

We do not know what will happen tomorrow, or next month, or next year (to any of us); but we know our God is sovereign, eternal, everlasting, all-powerful, and good.  In that we can rest and know that He is in control....  God- who created the universe, heals of the sick, raises the dead, binds up the broken, redeems the sinners, and IS everlasting.  I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want anyone else calling the shots.

The timing of our Beth Moore Bible study, Believing God, could not have been more perfect, but that's how God works (when we let Him and don't get in the way).  Countering our fears and anxieties with God's Word and truth has been a powerful thing.  None of this study has just been words on a page or 'book smart' theology.  We are walking the walk and living the truths.  God is so good.

Tomorrow will be a long day.  We start at 9:00am with her ultrasound and chest x-rays.  Then we head to the clinic for her physical, labs, and port flush.  We'll talk more about her chronic constipation and bowel issues, too.  They are contacting Dr. McMullen (radiation oncologist) to see if he thinks any of this may be from the radiation or if he has any other ideas.  It is all still a big question mark as to the specific cause.  They are considering sending her to GI for a second opinion.  She has never had problems before the cancer and now they will not resolve.  We were told at the last appointment we would possibly meet with the surgeon tomorrow about her port removal, but they couldn't see her, so that will remain for now.

Thank you for all your continued love, prayers, and support.  This is definitely a marathon, not a sprint and we are so blessed to have so many lifting us up in prayer and caring for our family.  We pray God touches your lives in a very personal and meaningful way!