Featuring 'Julia'!

One of the blogs I follow regularly is Totally Tots. It was started recently by a group of Christian blogging moms who wanted to pool their ideas and resources to benefit moms of tots (12-47months), especially those interested in homeschooling, but also all moms of tots. They have a wealth of inspiration and information in many areas and it's very easy to find what you're looking for.

One of their regular features is a 'Meet my tot' where they share the favorites of a particular tot and links to their mom's blogs. Julia was actually chosen to be featured this week. What a great early birthday present!

So click on the picture below to hop on over and check it out! You will also find links in their side bar of the contributing moms- an inspiring bunch to say the least. So take a minute to look around while you're there :)

Tough Tuesday

Julia's having a rough day today. She slept well last night. She was cheerful when I got her up. After she got dressed I took her in the bathroom to brush her hair. She's lost a lot of it in the back, but still has most of it on the top. She noticed the pile of hair on the sink today and asked about it. I told her the chemo was making her hair fall out. She said, "Okay, what's Carter doing?" So we've left it at that for now. She has been sad most of the day and not feeling well. She has spent most of the day laying in bed. She actually fell asleep in my arms at 1:00 this afternoon, which never happens. She's napping peacefully now.

Please pray for comfort and rest for her.

Monday at the Hospital (Week 6)

We woke up early for chemo today. Julia was sad when I took off her bandaid and put on her emla, but handled the rest well. The clinic was a busy place today, but Julia happily played puzzles...
and then headed out to Arts for Life. Ms. Betsy was there with a big smile to greet her by name. It amazed me she remembered her after meeting her only once in April. Julia decorated a journal today and painted.
After about an hour it was her turn. Dr. McLean was there today and did her physical. He said everything looked good and her side effects are all predictable and have so far been manageable. He told us to expect all her hair to be gone by next week. It is continuing to fall out in pieces. There are little circle curls everywhere she goes, but she hasn't noticed yet.

Ms. Karen was excited to see her today and wish her an early happy birthday. Julia did good with the chemo. She sits up in my lap and watches the whole process. Today she helped Ms. Karen push the syringes and was eager to get to help. Then as a special treat for her birthday she got to pick a present from the birthday closet. She was so giddy and sweet. Here she is with her new My Little Pony and her favorite nurse. We are so blessed to have you Ms. Karen! i never dreamed this is where we would be as she turned 3, but God has so blessed this path He ordained for us.

On the way out she wanted to take a picture with her fishy friends, too :)
She's had a great afternoon, playing with her brother, having a picnic, learning to play Wii Outdoor Adventure (hysterical to watch! but she's getting good), playing in the backyard, and loading up on red peppers and raspberries. Her cheerful, joyful, resilience and innocence has been such a blessing to all of us. I'm so proud of you Punkin! i love you my sweet girl!

It's Happening...

This afternoon after her nap I brushed her hair so we could go out and it started falling out. It has filled her brush twice now. She and Carter haven't seemed to notice yet. Another reality of cancer. It was really shocking to me and it makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Tonight when I gave her a bath, it was coming out in handfuls through my fingers and floating in the water. I held back the tears until I put her to bed. As I rocked her in the dark and sang hymns to her, the words hit close to home and the tears came, falling gently on her sweet curls.

Why the tears? Not only is it hard to see and feel your child lose their hair, but it now becomes an outward public symbol of her cancer. Right now it is our battle that we choose when to share and with whom. Without hair it becomes public knowledge, even to strangers and then we have to be open and ready for anything. It will change the way she is treated, the words that are said, and the looks that are given. I am helpless to do anything about that.
When life gives you rain... put on your boots, grab your umbrella, and splash in the puddles.

Baseball Fever

Spring in our house brings some serious baseball fever. Well, in reality it lasts all year, but it really picks up now. Carter has been following all his favorite teams, catching up on scores and highlights on Baseball Tonight (we record it) and SportsCenter. He's been rocking some daily games on the Wii. Only with Carter does the score get into the 20s- this kid has a mean swing! It is hysterical to watch him play because after the game he sits in his chair and does the sports commentary play by play of the whole thing. He's a riot! I have to say though, I played a game against him Friday and he was down 7 to 0 in the 7th inning. I was actually winning handily :) He came back within one run and then scored a walk off home run and won in the 9th! I'm still not over it :)

Whenever we can, Carter wants to play baseball- in the backyard, in the living room, at the park- you name it. We've been taking him out for practice to get ready for baseball season. Daddy says he's getting harder to catch. he's grown a few inches this year and his legs have definitely gotten longer...

But so have Julia's and she's getting closer to catching him now, too.

Apparently his plan to slow her down is to make her carry all the gear. Poor JuJu :) She just likes to get a turn with the backpack.

For the past two years, Julia has happily sat on the sidelines and cheered her brother on. Apparently she's been paying attention, because this year she's ready to play to and is actually hitting pitched balls already...

I love the look on her face!
And she's off and running...
Then Little Papi is up to bat. He's hitting good this year. He can't wait for summer baseball season to start. I can't believe he's graduating this year from tee ball to coach pitch, but he is thrilled because that means there's a catcher- his favorite position.
Tonight we were excited to take in our first Hoppers game of the season. It rained all afternoon, but let up just in time for the game. It was cold, but lots of fun. The kids have been looking so forward to getting back to the stadium since last year.
The Hoppers have been having a pretty dismal season, but had a great night with lots of home runs. They ended up winning 13 to 4- Go Hoppers!And before we go, it's time to run the bases!

Julia Update

Julia's health has been really good this week. She still has some fatigue and aching, but has learned to mediate it and rest when she needs, too. She has started getting the mouth sores. It began with one and I clung to the hope it was just a canker sore, like Carter frequently gets. Hoping, just maybe, we could avoid them. Now she has several. They don't appear to be bothering her too much at this point. She has been eating a more limited diet, by choice, since she came home from the hospital anyway. It is just another reminder of what she's going through.
I've said before how much I love that she seems to forget about the cancer in between chemo treatments. As time goes on, we at times forget, too. In brief periods, things seem normal and you catch yourself remembering. Especially because she has kept her hair. It would be such a glaring, constant reminder of the cancer. So far we have been blessed enough to avoid it. I didn't realize how anxious I was about her hair falling out. How will I hold myself together? How will I explain it? What will I say to them? What shouldn't I say? How will I choke back the tears, swallow my shock, and put on the brave face for her? I still find myself pausing in the mornings before I open her bedroom door. What if? The past few days I have caught her holding a strand of her hair and playing with it- once on the living room floor and once in the bathtub- totally normal places for hair. It just takes on a whole new meaning and it takes my breath for a moment.

Julia is starting to anticipate her chemo treatments. She commented this afternoon that she was better and didn't need to go to the doctor again. We nonchalantly said yes, not today, but we go back for chemo on Monday. She told us to please leave her rainbow heart bandage on and not to take it off. That bandage peeking out of her shirts has become so commonplace now- a part of her, but also a steady reminder of the port that lies underneath. She's started talking about it more at home. Though when a little friend asked her about it, she said it was nothing. It has been interesting to see what she grasps. We were playing in the yard with some friends and she went to get on the swing. It had some bird poo on it and she told Shana she couldn't get on because she had cancer and couldn't get germs. They are definitely listening. Carter is talking about it more often, too. In the bathtub at night they pretend the water is chemo medicine and use their play syringes to administer it to each other and their dolls and animals. Such a crazy road.

I feel like cancer is like this huge book we now own. It used to be strewn open on the floor for all to see and impossible to miss, or you'd trip right over it. Now, some days the book's open and some days its closed. Some days it's even setting neatly on the coffee table. It is a part of our family we will always own. I look forward to the day when it is tucked away neatly on the shelf and pulled out only when we want to flip through it.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

The kids have been happily watering and doting on their garden (and all the rain has helped too!). The greens have filled in and the lettuce and carrots are actually sprouting from seeds already.

But I cannot believe how big these plants have gotten!

This was just 7 days ago!!Nuts! And we don't use any miracle grow, just the organic compost they are growing in, water, and lots of daily 'love' from preschoolers wielding garden tools :)