Thanksgiving Weekend

We've had a wonderful holiday weekend.  Everyone is happy, healthy, and so thankful.  I love this holiday because it's 'the perfect weekend'- one day for special celebrations with family and friends, one day for doing nothing at all, one day to be productive, and one day to worship.  If only every weekend could be this way :)

Here are the kids 'Turkey Friends'...

 And before we could leave town- a quick trip to the doctor.  Only not Julia this time.  Carter woke up during the night complaining about his ear.  He's had 3 sets of tubes and currently has permanent ones in, so ears are not usually our issue.  Turns out he has an ear infection.  As we left the office to swing by CVS, he was asking about who are doctors were- all of them.  He wanted the complete list.  We started naming them all.  Then he wanted to know how often Julia will need yo go to the hospital for the rest of her life.  Hmmm, no idea. Julia had been quiet all this time and then chimed in...

"And when Brenner's doesn't know what's wrong, then God will heal me because God heals everyone."

There is nothing quite like three year old theology.  I treasure the glimpses we've gotten into her faith through this cancer journey.

Wednesday afternoon we all piled in the car for a road trip to see Daddy's family.  It's been the first family trip in a long time.  They've been looking forward to this trip for weeks.  We are so thankful to all be healthy and able to travel.

The kids were so excited to see their cousins.  It was the complete opposite of our isolated life at at home the past few months.  It was great to spend so much time with loved ones.  Unfortunately two of their cousins had to stay home because of illness- to protect Julia.  A frustrating part of chemo treatment.  We still do everything we can to keep her healthy and shield her from illness.  That makes life very unpredictable.  We can't really plan ahead, even for major holidays.  We have to wait until the time rolls around and take stock of everyone's health.  Even though we couldn't see everyone, it was still a fun family time.

 

Carter of course had to bring all his military gear.  He tells us, "I never know when the Marines might call, so I have to be ready for anything." He and Kevin had a great time in training...

There was time for board games and Wii...

 

...Little People...

 

and of course football!

 

Carter has been planning this pre-dinner football game for weeks.  He packed all the gear.  He had a notebook with all the positions, assignments, and plays written down.  He planned the music for halftime, etc.  Everyone got really into it... 

 

It was so cute watching the big boys play with the little boys (and the girls, too)...

 

 

It was a great success and Carter was beyond thrilled! This face says it all...

They played so hard, it wasn't long before everyone dropped...

Soon it was time to eat.  We had a delicious feast of food! Yum! I'm getting hungry just thinking about it :) I love the meal.  And the best part, you get to relive it multiple times in leftovers!

 

When the food was ready, we all gathered around to pray and give thanks.  Julia was looking at the many faces.  Then she looked at me and said,  "Is Nurse Karen- who puts in my tubey- coming, too?"  I have to admit I got teary.  I've said before, Karen's become like family to us.  I'm sure every cancer patient wishes they too could celebrate with their chemo nurse :)  She has been such a blessing to us this year.  We are happy we'll see her on Thursday when Julia goes back to the hospital for labs, port flush, and her physical.

After a relaxing day on Friday, we came home Saturday night. We've been enjoying some family time playing and getting things done around the house.  We spent most of Saturday getting ready for Christmas.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

We enjoyed a great Wolfpack win Saturday afternoon, which of course led to some game time in the backyard.  he's carter and his new tackle dummy...

This morning we were all able to go to church to worship and see our friends.  Julia still attends worship with us because she can't be in her class yet.  She is so funny.  When we get there she says, "Can we sit in the falcony (balcony)?" She loves the view (and the elevator ride). 

She is so good during the services.  Today she noticed they were singing a version of Amazing Grace.  She said, "We sing this before bed."  This afternoon she gathered some of the angel decorations in a circle and sang it to them- made her Daddy cry- sweet JuJu :)

Tonight we enjoyed our Sunday advent dinner by candlelight.  We talk about the candles and their symbolism.  Then we read a few verses and light the candle.  This was the first time carter was able to look up the verses himself and read them.  Wow, he's growing up! I can't believe he will be six in a few weeks!! He is very proud of his new Bible.  He's learned the books and we've been practicing looking things up.  He's such a big boy now.

Before bed Julia said, "I just love Christmas, it's my favorite!" (and she doesn't even know abou the presents yet!) It should be a great Christmas season at our house.  We've been looking forward to this time all year in anticipation of julia starting to feel better.  God has exceeded our expectations and we feel so blessed every day.

With Thanksgiving

Thankful.

The word itself doesn't even seem like enough to express the gratitude in our lives and hearts. 

Gratitude has always been at the top of our family's values.  We  feel and share our gratitude regularly.  We cherish opportunities to show it to others.  We have always felt beyond blessed even when difficulties came our way.

We are thankful for...

•  our loving and supportive families. May we cherish the moments and memories we have together.
• our precious children who bless our lives daily.  May we continually strive to fulfill our calling as their parents and give them the roots and wings they need for God's plan for their lives.
• our amazing friends who help, encourage, inspire, humor, and love us more than we could ever ask or imagine. May our relationships strive to glorify God.
  
• our church which has helped build the foundation on which our family stands. May we never forget the privilege and freedom of corporate worship.
  
• our wonderful house .  We try and never forget how privileged we are to have a safe, dry, warm, home for our family.  May we always use it to show hospitality and love to others.
• abundant food on our tables and in our pantries.  May every meal remind of of the millions who go without each day and inspire us to always share the bounty.
• Billy's job and talents which provide for our family in so many ways.
• our dedicated military and their families who willingly sacrifice so much to protect and defend our great country.
• for all our public servants who work diligently with hearts of gold to improve the lives of everyone they meet- firefighters, police, teachers, and nurses- to name a few.  May their passions be an inspiration and their sacrifices blessed.
  
• for God's beautiful creation which is a neverending gift as we unwrap new beauty daily.
• for God's amazing grace given to each of us as a free gift enabling us to walk through this life in victory serving our great God.  May we daily strive to view others through the eyes of our Father.
  
• for good health and access to excellent medical care.  This one has taken on a whole new level in our family. May we never forget the depth of our gratitude and continually pay it forward.
• for the little things, like books, music, art, laughter, cars, dishwashers and washing machines, phones, cameras, heating and air conditioning. 
  
• and for the big things- our country, our world, our freedom, our leaders, our lives, and our daily bread.

It is overwhelming to think of all we are thankful for on a daily basis.  And this list does not even include all our specific thanks from the past year.  The list would go on for pages and pages. We have been pouring out our thanks to God in a streaming prayer for months.

How do we say thank you?...

• for Dr. Ravenel for knowing Julia needed scanning despite only having one UTI in her life.
• for Brenner's Hospital for bringing the best care we could imagine so close to home.
• for Dr. Wofford for meeting us in our hospital room (2 hours after we even discovered Julia's tumor) to lovingly walk us through the process that would change our lives forever.
• for CT, ultrasound, and xrays that give our doctors the 'eyes' they need.
  
• for all the Camp Brenner nurses who poured their hearts into Julia's care time and time again.
• for Dr. Pranikoff who held our daughter's life in his hands for seven hours that Friday to open and explore her entire abdomen and remove that 'angry' tumor, without spreading the cells to the rest of her body- all with absolute precision.
• for the pathologists and tumor board who found the 'needle in the haystack' that led to Julia's diagnosis.
  
• for Noggin and the Little Einsteins which to this day bring Julia the best pain relief available.
• for the friends and family whom have prayed, cried, encouraged, cooked, cleaned, donated, helped, loved, and carried us through this year.
  
• for Dr. McLean who walked us through Julia's diagnosis and treatment plan and has held our hands through so much of this process.  Thank you for your love, humility, concern, patience, and gentleness.
• for the internet and blogs which have connected us to the information, support, prayers, friends, family, and compassionate strangers who have helped carry us through this time.
  
• for Dr. McMullen whose humor, passion, brilliance, and heart cannot be matched.  Thank you for making us see the blessing in radiation for Julia.
• for Dr. Sam.  I now know what angels look like. This man loves and knows every child he works with like they were his own. His skill made Julia's daily sedation smooth and easy for her and enabled me to lay her life in his hands with complete confidence.  (and he even baked her cookies!)
• for Dr. Hodges who has been great in preserving her single-kidney health. 
  
• for Arts for Life- Betsy and Michelle who have inspired Julia artistically and allowed her to look forward to her many trips to the hospital; and Colin who brought music to the hospital on some hard days.
  
• for Renae whose smiling face greets us on every trip to the clinic.
• for Nurse Dianne who has walked through treatment with us answering all our questions, easing our fears, and at times even reading our hearts and minds.  Thank you for making this easier on all of us.
  
• for Nurse Nancy whose experience, compassion, and skill is unmatched in our eyes. You are God's faithful and humble servant- an oncology angel.
• for Nurse Tammy who has patiently and gently cared for Julia on so many sick visits.
• for Nurse Karen who has become SO precious to us.  We will always associate your care, love, and heart with Julia's treatment and healing.  She loves you so much! And so do we! She considers you part of her family and talks of you often.
  
• for CureSearch and the COG whose research, clinical studies, protocols, and commitment to pediatric cancer provided us with cutting edge treatment, the ability to be treated locally, and the confidence as parents that we were doing the best for our child.  Priceless.
• for St. Jude's, St. Baldrick's, CureSearch, and others who are passionately committed to find a cure for the dozens of pediatric cancers.  They are on the front lines fighting for HOPE for cancer kids. We can never thank you enough.
• for chemotherapy.  As much as we struggle with poisoning our child, we are eternally grateful for having effective treatment options for our child.  We have watched too many others without this opportunity and privilege.
• for zofran and miralax.
• for ports and glad press n seal wrap.
  
• for waffles and red peppers.
• for our Brenner's family who has walked with us on this journey and shared their lives, struggles, joys, pain, fears, wisdom, and hearts with us.
  
• for clear scans!!   
• for healing from surgery, treatment, and chemotherapy.
• for the gift of another holiday with Julia and another day to wake up and enjoy her in our family.

...Life and good health are such a precious and fleeting gift.  None of us is promised another day.  Thanks to our amazing God who has provided each of these things above and so much more.  God's provision and timing have been perfect every step of this journey.  His grace was enough every day no matter what we faced.  To God be the glory!   Only our God can turn something as horrible as cancer into a blessing. We pray that the gratitude in our hearts continues to overflow endlessly to bless others and fight for better treatments and cures for pediatric cancer.

Thank you, God.  A million thank you's...


"Then hear, O gracious Savior; 
  accept the praise we bring,
That we who know Your favor 
  may serve You as our King.
And whether our tomorrows 
  be filled with good or ill,
We'll triumph through our sorrows 
  and rise to bless You still."
 -Gustav Holst, O, God Beyond All Praising

Thanksgiving Books

We've been really enjoying our Thanksgiving books this month.  We are all book lovers and learn best through reading.  Carter was really ready to go deeper this year and find out even more. 

This has hands down been our favorite book... 

This book gives the life story of Squanto and the amazing way God used him and his experiences (his kidnapping, his time as a slave, his time with Spanish monks, his life as a servant in London, his return to America 12 years later, and his devastating loss of his entire tribe) to give Christianity a chance in the New World.  It is an amazing story of salvation, redemption, restoration, and God's divine hand that is not often told.  What man intended for evil God used for greatness.  We've read it over and over.  I love the historical examples of God at work to talk about with Carter.  The same way God worked in Joseph's life in Egypt, he worked in Squanto's life, and countless others throughout history and today.

Some of our other favorites are...

• If You Sailed on the Mayflower by Ann McGovern
• Three Young Pilgrims by Cheryl Harness
• Pilgrims of Plymouth by Susan Goodman
• The First Thanksgiving by Jean George
• Sarah Morton's Day by Kate Waters
• Thanksgiving Day by Gail Gibbons
• The First Thanksgiving Day: A Counting Story by Laura Melmed
• One Little, Two Little, Three Little Pilgrims by B.G. Hennessy

And when we had questions or wanted more information we went to the source: Plimoth Plantation's website

House Rules

We have been working on getting our house rules complete and posted for some time. As I was revising and making sure we didn't want to add/omit anything I came across this post by Jennefer at Smooth Stones Academy. She encouraged others to use it and I encourage you to check out her blog (especially if you're interested in home schooling or have a child on the autism spectrum).  She is a blessing and so creative! This is her post...


Here are our family's rules. I have wanted to do this for a long time, but wasn't quite sure how to go about it. It needed to be something we could commit to memory, so yesterday I had the crazy idea of using an acronym as a mnemonic device.  I chose "GOLDEN RULE" because it is the umbrella rule that covers all others - including any I may have missed! I also wanted our rules to be Scripture based so the boys would understand as they got older that these were rooted in the truth of God's word and not simply arbitrary. These rules and the accompanying Scriptures (NIV) will be some of our first memory and copywork for this school year.


Give generously to others - sharing all I have: my toys, my time and my talents.

• Do not forget to do good and share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. - Hebrews13:16
  

Obey quickly and cheerfully.

• Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. - Ephesians 6:1

Look to the interests of others.

• In humility consider others better than yourselves...your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. - Philippians 2:3b, 5
  

Do my best at all times.

• Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. - 1 Corinthians 10:31b
  

Exhibit self-control.

• For the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. - Galatians 5:22-23
  

No matter what tell the truth.

• The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful. - Proverbs 12:22
  

Respect others by using good manners.

• Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king. - 1Peter 2:17 

Use kind and calm words.

• A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - Proverbs 15:1
  

Listen to others.

• Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. - James 1:19
  

Evidence thankfulness by choosing gratitude.

• Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. - 1 Thessalonians 5:18
• Do all things without complaining or arguing. - Philippians 2:14

The Golden Rule: Do to others as you would have them do to you for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. - Matthew 7:12

Brenner's Wishes

I was so excited to receive an email from a friend at a local church.  Their children's ministry department is having a birthday party for Jesus in December.  The children are bringing gifts to donate to the Brenner's oncology floor!! I am so humbled to see the incredible ways God is intricately working.  If anyone else feels led to donate, here is the wishlist from the ChildLife department and Arts for Life (to be used by the oncology patients in clinic and admits).  These two services and their amazing staff are the lifeline for the kids of 'Camp Brenner'.

We will be delivering the gifts on December 14th.

Fuzzy coloring posters
Action figures (Batman, Spiderman, Power Rangers, Star Wars)
Fisher Price Imaginext play sets
Matchbox pop up sets
Little People doll house
Polly pocket dolls
Dora dollhouse dolls
Strawberry shortcake house and dolls
Barbie laptop play computer
Batman cave play set
Bioncles
Jewelry string
Bop it hand held game
Spongebob toys
DVD movies
Wii games
Wii nunchuck
Playstation 2 games
Fabric markers
Crayola Model magic
Playdoh
Scissors
Sharpie markers
Crayola Gel FX pencils
Watercolor paper
Tracing paper
Watercolor paints
Acrylic paints
Fabric paints
Blue painting tape
Sculpey Polymer Clay
Watercolor paint brushes

Operation Christmas Child

It is the time of year for one of my favorite charities! I have always had a passion for Operation Christmas Child by Samaritan's Purse.  They have such a far-reaching ministry that takes the love of Christ into needy areas, wrapped up in the personalized bundle of a shoebox full of gifts for a deserving child.  I get so excited and emotional being able to put together something so special knowing OCC will deliver and place it in the hands of a very special child, along with the presentation of the Gospel message.

I used to love doing it even before I had children, but now it takes on an even more special meaning as they are able to be a part of the process.  Last year we had the idea to do a lesson along with our boxes.  I gathered a group of our friends' 4 and 5 year olds.  We all contributed various items to use to fill the boxes.  We gather items all year long.  When stores clear out there school items for pennies, we buy crayons, markers, paper, etc.  I also keep a bag hanging in our laundry room for items we bring in to the house.  Kids have an amazing attachment to small things- balls, cars, kids meal toys, etc.  Many times they just want to look at it and then it is forgotten.  We started dropping them into a bag and then filling a box in the closet.  By the time November rolls around the box is usually overflowing.

Our lesson started in a circle reading a book about Christmas and the true meaning of the season.  Then we watched of the videos on the Samaritan's Purse website (They can also be found on you tube.  Note: These were 2008 videos and resources)- Operation Christmas Child.  (Be warned, you will cry.)  Then we read a few pages from Children Just Like Me and Wonderful Houses looking at the differences between those children's lives and our own.  The I read The Mission and we talked about our responsiblity as Christians and how OCC fulfills that calling.  Then we watched two of the video clips- Fulfilling the Great Commission and Kids Make a Difference.  Then I read Whoever You Are.

Then we moved to the tables and had the kids make Christmas cards for the boxes and fill out About Me forms from the OCC website.  Then each child took a box to fill.  We had set out all the items in categories so the kids could choose what they wanted in their box.  It was so sweet to see the thought and care they put into it.  At the end we all prayed over the boxes for the kids that would receive them.  This year they have a neat online program called EZ Give where you can actually track your box to the children who receive it! They will email you the information when it's delivered!

This year we had to scale down a bit and we did it as a family instead.  The kids had a great time gathering the items and laying them all out for filling time.  Julia was so sweet brushing all the dolls' hair before they went into the boxes...      

Carter and Daddy filling the candy bags...

 

After we had them all filled the kids wanted to 'deliver' them.  They loaded them in batches and drove around in his truck to visit Cambodia, Uganda, and the Philipines.  Then they loaded them into Daddy's truck.  It was so cute to see their excitement.

 

Fall Artwork Keepsakes

Here are some of my favorite fall keepsake projects that I have done with the kids.  I love art projects that look great for the season, but also preserve memories of the kids.  I often use artists canvas because they can be found very cheap at craft stores and they are durable, lightweight, and easy to hang (just a nail will do and no framing required).  I store them in garbage bags with our holiday decorations and change them out of the same spots on the walls.

 

This is one we made when they were 1 and 3.  I used 11x14 canvas and painted it yellow with leftover paint from the walls.  Then I painted the stem and brown circle for the flower and let it dry.  The leaves are the kids' feet.  If you have more than 2 or 3 kids, you can put some across the bottom for grass.  I wrote their names and ages on the sides of their feet.  Then we made yellow handprints all around the circle for flower petals.  Then I had them 'paint' the circle with mod podge, nice and thick.  Then they added the sunflower seeds.  After those had dried sufficiently, I had them coat the top of the seeds with more Mod Podge to seal the seeds.

I also love handprint turkeys.  We made this turkey family with all of our hands...

This hangs on a large wall in our living room. We used leaves and apple halves to make a fall collage.  They loved mixing all the colors and painting the leaves.  

 

This year we made Thankful Trees.  The kids painted their trees with roller paint.  I used a paper punch to make the fall leaves and the kids dictated their 'thanks items'.  (The leaves were rather small so they couldn't write the words themselves.) Then they glued them on the trees.

 

Julia is thankful for... Mimi & Grandpa, Annmarie, my family, Pilgrims, plums, Nurse Karen, blankets, tomatoes, Claire, Brenner's hospital, carrots, animals, God, hats, Ally & Emmy, sunshine, Chloe, and my doctors.

Carter is thankful for... elephants, African Children's Choir, Pilgrims, doctors, church, spring, God, Thanksgiving, the military, Mimi & Grandpa, Ally & Emmy, football games, my family, flowers, shots, Chloe, Ginny, horses, and freedom.

Father/Son Panthers Game

Every year Carter eagerly looks forward to our church's Father/Son trip to the football game.  He has had his uniform laid out for days.  And he finally took off his Marine utilities, so I can wash them :)  This is the first time they have gone in November.  The weather in NC could have gone either way.  they lucked out with 70* and bright sunshine- a perfect day for football...

They had to get up at 6:30am to leave for the stadium.  Carter was so excited to play they broke out the football at the rest stop...

 

The highlight for him was having so many players for a pickup football game.  They had a great time tailgating and playing in the parking lot.  Carter was quarterback, coach, ref, and receiver.  No one could believe a 5 year old had this much knowledge of the game.  Little did they know he watches Sportscenter everyday :)

 

 

His opponents figured out pretty quickly it wasn't too hard to stop a 40lb running back.  Just lift and flip...

 

Taking it all in in the stadium...

 

He's never been able to just watch a game, he has to reenact it at the same time...

 

The Panthers had a great game (after a pretty dismal season) and beat the Falcons.  It was a wonderful day for everybody.  They were all happy and exhausted when they arrived home.  Carter said, "I had the best time, but now I need to sleep for two days!"

Julia's Namesake Part 1

I have been holding this post in my heart for a long time now and I really want to share it with all of you...

I have written in the past about where the kids' nicknames originated, but never where their names came from- particularly Julia's.

When I was pregnant the second time, we found out after Christmas that we were having a girl. We had until May to choose a name. We had a long list we liked, but never could narrow it down and commit to just one. I kept saying I just want someone to tell me what her name is, I don't want to pick the wrong one. At the top of our lists was the name 'Julia'.  And Carter told us a few times that his sister's name was 'Julia'. That name carried such special meaning to us...

Before Carter was even born I was a part of a weekly women's Bible study in a friends' home with women of all ages. It was in that group that I was blessed to meet Julia Middleton. Julia is one of those people whose presence illuminates a room- literally. Her laughter, compassion, love, and spirit are palpable. You can't help but be drawn to her and want to know what makes her tick.  She is glowing with the love of Christ from every part of her being.  Her Jesus water is splashing on everyone around her, all the time. I was actually visiting my mom in CA when Billy met Julia for the first time at a birthday party.  He called me later that night and said, "I met the most amazing person tonight.  Before I even knew her name I knew this was your friend Julia."

In 2000, at the age of 32, Julia went to the doctor with shortness of breath, expecting antibiotics.  She was instead given the diagnosis of stage IV thymoma cancer in her chest. She was the picture of life and health and was told this intruder had taken over her body. She left that appointment with the obvious shock and sadness at the overwhelming battle ahead. Shortly after she heard a sermon about Abraham and God's request that he sacrifice his own son. Abraham had to fully rely on and trust God and step out the next morning in obedience, knowing he could not do this himself. This was how she had to face cancer. The Bible gives us many heroes of the faith...Noah, Stephen, Peter, Job....and God was with them always.

She had an epiphany while meditating on scripture...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition; with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:6 & 1Thess 5:16-18)

She realized that cancer was God's will for her life. It was her mission. She concluded, "I was excited about the prospect that my serious case of cancer was the way I was going to reach out and share the gospel. It was my course, my path. I was joyful and gave thanks!" And from that moment on she never turned back.  She lived out every part of this verse- finding joy in everything, always giving thanks, relying on prayer, and fully accepting God's will for her life.

Julia had always wanted to witness to others in a big way, but (like so many Christians) never had.  Now, she would do it. These verses became her life verses. She said she learned to trust in a God that was good and not in the goodness of life. And from the moment she made that decision Julia embraced her life in unimaginable ways.  She lived out God's calling for her life.  She fought her cancer with such grace and determination that what was initially a death sentence, gave her 7 years of amazing LIFE!  She touched countless hearts and brought many to a real relationship with Christ in their own lives.  Hallelujah! What a praise!

Sadly, for those of us who loved her, Julia's cancer took her life in September 2007 when she went home to be with Jesus- seven years after her original diagnosis. She endured so much with chemo, radiation, surgeries, infections, etc. But she lived so fully. Her Homecoming Celebration was one of the most powerful gatherings I have ever attended.  Every person in that room felt intimately connected to Julia.  She had the amazing power to give a piece of herself to everyone she met.  But most importantly every person in that room felt closer to God because of Julia. 

That is a life well-lived.


So many people wonder what God's purpose is for their life and what they should be doing. Julia knew with every fiber of her being what she was here to do and she did it, with gusto. I encourage you to visit the website her dear husband Mid set up with a collection of her speech notes, photographs, and her life celebration. I pray you see God's perfect work in her life through these memories and smile with the angels as you find out what a drive-by planting is :)  Her sweet spirit continues to live in the hearts of so many and through these words, pictures, and memories.

And now our own Julia has a special angel watching over her helping to guide her through cancer.  Little did we know when we chose that name that they would ever share this journey.  Julia, thank you for your love, your example, your witness, and your inspiration.  You have touched our lives and hearts forever and will always be a part of us.

...to be continued...

Humbly Thankful

This past week I have been feeling overwhelmingly thankful.  I'm not sure the exact trigger.  Might have something to do with the fact that Thanksgiving is only two weeks away- seriously!! What happened to fall?! I feel like we missed it.

No, it started before that.  I'm just feeling so thankful for how far we've come.

I've been putting together a photobook for Julia about her cancer journey to help her process what she's been through and to talk about all that has happened.  Her memories are there even when her understanding or words were lacking.  As her cognitive level matures, she has been able to put words on what she remembers.  I want her to have a visual of her journey.  It started small and grew into around 60 pages, but it documents her battle from March until October.

Looking back has been so emotional.  A picture has the power to bring back all the feelings of that moment or in some cases to reveal what my mind has pushed aside.  Just eight months ago... 

I am so proud of her for the tremendous grace and courage she has had from the very beginning- IVs without a tear, her quiet determination in the PICU, not even flinching at chemo for weeks, day after day of NPO for radiation, weeks of side effects, isolation from everyone (still continues) and she takes it all in stride.  Thank you God for your unending faithfulness.

This week it has really hit me how well she is doing.  We sit down for meals now and everyone happily eats! That is huge for us.  It has actually made me cry, just watching her eat her dinner.  This is so easy now.  She is feeling really good these days.  The moodiness has faded.  The pain is a distant memory.  The scar across her stomach looks great.  The port in her chest is like a part of her now that we all have grown accustomed to seeing.  Both kids are very accustomed to staying home now and are content playing with each other.  It has kept us all healthy and Julia out of the hospital which makes it all worth it.  Her head is covered in that soft fuzz where just a short time ago she was completely bald.  She still tires easily.  She is still building up strength and endurance for daily activities.  Her body is still internally healing from all of the drugs and effects.  She still has lingering side effects.  But her sweet spirit continues to shine- unaffected by all she has endured.  Thank you God.

We recently received news from a friend of another little girl in Texas- Reese- beginning the journey with nephroblastoma (Wilms').  It is surreal to follow their days.  They are walking the path we traveled such a short time ago.  Please lift them up as they await pathology results.  It took weeks for us to get a confirmed diagnosis and plan.  We are eternally thankful for the definitive results that lead to aggressive treatment that hopefully has saved Julia's life and preserved her health.  We pray the same for Reese, as agonizing as the wait may seem for them now.

Friday night I had the privilege of attending a Ladies Holiday Dinner at a local church.  Holly (Matheson's mom) was sponsoring a table for Childhood Cancer Awareness.  She honored several local children and remembered several that we've lost.  She invited several of the cancer moms she knows and oncology nurses from their hospital.  It was a wonderful night.  I am so thankful to have other moms to walk this journey with as we share our burdens and lift each other up.

Yesterday afternoon while Julia napped, I turned on the TV (before I napped) and found myself watching one of St. Jude's Partners in Hope specials.  I have watched them many times in the past, but this is the first time I have watched as a cancer parent.  I have to say my tears were them same.  It is heartbreaking to see the battles these kids are fighting and awe-inspiring to see their courage, determination, and optimism.  It was very surreal to hear them discuss Julia's type of cancer.  We know it way too intimately.  I still at times can't wrap my mind around the fact that we are a family of childhood cancer.  The biggest difference was now I feel the same emotions their parents feel as they profile their personal journeys.  And now instead of faces of strangers, we have friends fighting each one of these horrible cancers.  And unfortunately I know all these vicious cancers by name.  And just like at St. Jude's some of ours win and others earn their angel wings way too soon.

As I watched these brave kids of every age fighting for their lives I couldn't help but be humbled by their endurance and hope.  Several kids had been battling aggressively for over 5...7...9 years even just to stay alive.  Giving up was never an option to them.  They never even considered it.  No matter what lie ahead- high dose chemo, bone marrow harvesting and transplant, amputation, radiation- whatever it takes, they were ready to take the next step with confidence that they were fighting to live.  I think of all the kids in our Brenner's family and they have the identical fighting spirit.  But in watching yesterday I couldn't help but cry out to God in anguish, on behalf of these precious children, that we as a nation are doing so little to further pediatric cancer research.

It is one thing to have to tell your child they have cancer.  To then have to subject them to treatments, surgeries, painful procedures, etc.  For some to relapse and have to be told they are out of options.  It is the horrifying truth for way too many.  It is a sobering reality to have to talk your child through painful and poisoning procedures, but you do because you are fighting for their lives and giving them hope.  You are helping to make them better.  But for some there are no options.  Our sweet friend Vinny is more than ready to fight and wants to fight, but he has few options.  At this point they are trying to extend his quality time, but can't offer him a cure. And precious Ellie in Charlotte tells people she "has cancer, but not the dying kind".  Sadly, her relapse is aggressively overtaking her little body.  These kids want to fight and want to live and we have nothing to offer them.

Can you imagine telling your child, "Sorry, I know you want to fight, but we have nothing to help you. Our country doesn't want to spend money on that kind of research."?

We can't give up!

It really struck me this past October.  Did you know American's spend $4.75 billion on Halloween?! It sickens me to see so much of this money wasted.  Do you have any idea how many parents consume their kids candy and complain about it later, or like the majority of parents, just throw it away?! All that money wasted, literally in the trash.  So much could be done with just a fraction of that.

As the holiday season approaches and gift buying begins- remember these kids.  What do you buy for the person that has everything or really doesn't want anything? Why not donate on their behalf to pediatric cancer research.  Or shop at one of the many online shops to benefit cancer research.  A few of our favorites are 

CureSearch, St. Jude's, and St. Baldrick's.  These organizations are on the cutting edge of pediatric cancer research.  They are taking the risks and thinking outside the box to save kids today, now.  So many public funding dollars are given to 'safe grants' such as 'do good eating habits effect incidence of cancer?' These projects do nothing for our kids fighting to stay alive, but institutions want to guarantee they will be funded.

As too many children prepare to celebrate their last Christmas please consider what you are being called to do to help.  It may not be financial, it may be donating blood, volunteering at a hospital, or helping at a fundraising event.  None of us can do it alone and every little bit helps, no matter how small it may seem.  These kids never give up hope.  They deserve a fighting chance.  You can help keep their hope alive.

Marine in the Making

Boot camp still reigns in our house.  Our little Marine is as dedicated as ever.  He can seldom be found without his uniform on and gear in tow.

He takes this all very seriously.  He is not your typical "shoot em up, where are the bad guys?" little boy.  He is bit by bit understanding what the Marines stand for and the discipline, training, and dedication involved. He watches documentaries on Marine training and current equipment and exercises.  He has had a front row seat with Grandpa and his experiences in DC, Pendleton, and Lejeune. He has been soaking in every minute of it.

He has been insisting on wearing his uniform every morning and carrying the gear everywhere we go- backpack, sleeping bag, rescue pack, 'rifle' (stick), and helmet.  At night his uniform hangs in the end of his bed with the dog tags on top.  He only lets me wash it when I promise to return it the next morning because he has important Marine meetings the next day.  And he wants it to be neat- well of course! 

Sunday was no different.  He was dressed head to toe before I even noticed.  I reminded him we were going to church.  He said, "Mom, I have to wear it for Veteran's Day to remember everyone who is serving and all the people that have died for us."  You can't argue with that.  I nodded proudly and off we went (without the gear, with his Bible).  And he told everyone that asked exactly why he was dressed in uniform. 

We have a dedicated little Marine on our hands.

And here's his current drill instructor. Well, in reality he usually runs the show.  But every once in awhile she gets her hands on the whistle and makes him 'snap to'...

We have talked a lot about Veteran's Day this week.  He is still newly exploring the whole concept of war.  He understands the basics and starting to ask questions about each past war and the history behind it.  We've had some good discussions.  We haven't crossed into the complex discussions, yet- but I can see the wheels spinning- it's not too far off.

This week we wanted to join the local veterans and Marine Corps League for their annual flag-raising.  Unfortunately Hurricane Ida rolled in and canceled those plans.  So we had to settle for observing the day from home.  

Part of that includes honoring our flag.  We proudly fly the flag in front of our home every day and have been teaching our kids the symbolism behind it in bits and pieces through songs, poems, stories, and history.  We say the pledge in the mornings at calendar time and they have learned it at Awana also.  They have also had the privilege of witnessing the Evening Colors many times.  While my parents were in DC, on small military bases, Colors is a part of daily life right outside the front door.  When Carter was two, he would eagerly ask if the 'ooh-rahs' were taking the flag down yet and run down the street to watch.  Without guidance from us he would reverently stand and watch from start to finish.  I took this picture and didn't realize until later that he was standing at 'parade rest'...

I am so thankful for these opportunities to instill patriotic values in both of their hearts.  As a child I attended a small private elementary school in Annapolis, MD.  The flag flew proudly atop the flagpole in front of our school.  As fifth graders we were responsible for raising and lowering the flag.  We were taught flag etiquette at the beginning of the year and were then sent out (unattended) in groups of 3 to perform the act each day.  I can still remember now how seriously we took this responsibility and how carefully we folded it into the best triangle we could.


Did you know those 13 folds have symbolism?

• The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life.

• The second fold is a symbol of our belief in the eternal life.

• The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veteran departing our ranks who gave a portion of life for the defense of our country to attain a peace throughout the world.

• The fourth fold represents our weaker nature, for as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in times of war for His divine guidance.

• The fifth fold is a tribute to our country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, “Our country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong.”

• The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. It is with our heart that we pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

• The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.

• The eighth fold is a tribute to the one who entered in to the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day, and to honor mother, for whom it flies on mother’s day.

• The ninth fold is a tribute to womanhood; for it has been through their faith, love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great have been molded.

• The tenth fold is a tribute to father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of our country since they were first born.

• The eleventh fold, in the eyes of a Hebrew citizen, represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and glorifies, in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

• The twelfth fold, in the eyes of a Christian citizen, represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in their eyes, God the Father, the Son, and Holy Ghost.

• When the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost, reminding us of our national motto, “In God we Trust.