Weary Wednesday

Julia woke up around 5:30am this morning.  We knew something was wrong, but she wouldn't tell us what hurt.  She cried for the better part of three hours, then started throwing up.  I hate watching what chemo does to her.  She hates throwing up and she still doesn't understand what nausea is exactly, so she doesn't tell us when its getting bad.  She did keep her zofran down and in a few hours she was doing better.  Once it fully kicks in she starts to act giddy and playful. Around that time the sun came out and brightened all of our spirits.  Its been a rough week of rain, being stuck at home, and not seeing our friends.  Carter is battling a sinus infection.  Unfortunately he inherited my horrible sinuses and he cannot shake the congestion from the cold he had last month.  We've been trying to avoid the peds office, but its starting to look inevitable. 

We are still living in day by day mode.  Some days it gets to me more than others.  It just feels like we're living in limbo all the time.  We still don't have much of a schedule.  Many days accomplishing the most basic tasks seems tough.  We still struggle with discipline and boundaries.  When your kids get sick you bend the rules and nuture them until they feel better.  You do what ever you have to do to get through.  Seven months later we're still doing that, every day.

Last night I during my quiet time I just prayed for refreshment and enthusiasm for our daily life.  I know I can't do it of my own strength.  It has been another step in my spiritual journey these past weeks having my faith really reduced to me and God.  The Christian life is not made to be lived in isolation.  I am so blessed to have an amazing church family, pastors, worship, Bible studies, mentors, and social network.  I have had to abandon almost all of that and it is such a daily struggle.

When our day started in the wee, dark hours and Julia was sick and throwing up, Carter was coughing, and it was raining again.  I just felt overwhelmed (and it's Wednesday again. What's the deal?!).  One of those moments when you selfishly think, "God, didn't we talk about this already?" But He doesn't work that way.  I knew I needed more devotion time this morning, but it would be a while.  After breakfast, lots of laundry, cleaning up Julia, giving meds, phone calls, changing sheets, and showering- I had a minute to myself.

Having our weekly sermons available online has been such an amazing blessing.  I have many I need to catch up on.  We are in the midst of a wonderful and challenging series on being Beautifully Broken- that's been a common theme in our household.  The half hour I had to sit and soak in Pastor Don's message was very sweet.  A few take-aways to ponder...

• If we truly desire for God to use our life, brokenness is required.
• After years of prominence in Pharoah's palace, God waited 4o years to speak to Moses and chose to do it in the back side of the desert.
• Spiritual maturity begins when we come to the end of ourselves and are left with God alone.
• We cannot do God's will through our own power.  The greatest obstacle to accomplishing God's ministry is me.
• The only One who didn't need to be broken first, went to the cross and was broken for each of us.

The day improved from there.  We had some fun playtime with playdoh and the play kitchen. The kids pretended to be going to the beach house.. aaahh :)  (Even they dream of beach getaways.)  We read some books and Julia was ready for a nap.  Carter did a great job with his schoolwork today and we finished the afternoon watching the Phillies win! Julia woke up feeling good and was able to eat- yay!.  Carter was thrilled to be heading out to soccer practice and Awana with Daddy.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers today.  Things definitely got better and we are one step closer to feeling good again.  We praise God for meeting us right where we are every step of this crazy, unpredictable journey.  As I get ready for bed and think about what tomorrow may hold, I can rest assured that He already knows and has gone before. 

Now to Him who is able to take what is broken and shattered and make it Holy before Him...