Pigtail Prayers

We've been having a good week.  The arrival of fall has been a welcome gift.  I love this time of year when the skies are bright blue and the world appears in bright technicolor.  I love the cool, crisp air coming in the windows.  I love the changing leaves, pumpkin patches, savory soups, football games, fall festivals, and jeans. 

We've had some time to play with friends this week which is always healing for all of us.  There was lots of squealing, giggles, and laughter which is music to my ears.  Julia has been feeling better this week.  She is getting back some of her sassy spunk which leads me to believe she feels a little better.  She still struggles with eating, but has had more success.  I must admit it doesn't even phase me to fill her request for ice cream at 7:30am.  Whatever works.  She went on to eat peanut butter toast, so at least it gets better.

I have a whole new appreciation for the drive-thru these days.  I am keenly aware of what services I can take advantage of from the inside of our car- banks, groceries, pharmacies, fast food, ice cream, library books, Goodwill donations, etc.  It is a fabulous thing.  Especially now as the germs settle in and take hold in our county.  (It is starting to seem like everyone is sick.)  It definitely makes life easier and gives us the ability to get things done and feel like we got out of the house.  Sometimes just driving around is great, even if we never get out of the car.  The more illnesses I hear about, the more motivated I am to stick it out and be happy and joyful where we are.

The other night I was sitting with Julia before bed.  She was quiet for awhile and then said, "Mommy, I want pigtails again, like my friends."  She was one of the first of her age friends to have long hair and she fully embraced the pigtails.  We all miss them. 

We don't talk much about her hair anymore.  It is so commonplace to all of us.  It has started to grow in the past month- a soft fuzz all over.  We've been calling her 'Kiwi'.  I love to rub and kiss the top of her soft little head.  I am hesitant to focus on it too much.  She just had doxirubicin and still has another dose of dactonomycin ahead of her, so there's a chance this hair may not stay.  The first growth hair after chemo is usually temporary anyway.

We talked about her hair a little, that the pigtails will come back.  When, is not up to us and I don't even try to guess.  As I was changing her diaper before bed she grabbed the 1/2 inch of hair on either side if her head and said, "Can we pretend these are my pigtails?"  When we said her prayers that night at bedtime, we prayed for pigtails, too.  No, it's not the most important thing, but it matters to her.  I want her to know that her big God who hung the moon and the stars and created the universe cares about little girl pigtails, too.  And it makes it so much easier on all of us to just lay it before Him and let it go.  We can all rest peacefully knowing...

 He's got the WHOLE world in His hands.