just checking in

• We are safely in DC. The kids travelled well and the traffic was mild (only an extra 90 min). We are happy for the change of scenery. My prayer is that we can return home refreshed and renewed and find a new daily life that works for all of us.
• Julia is feeling pretty good. We are still giving her the Zofran every 12 hrs. She cries every few hours that her belly hurts, so we're hoping this helps. She has not actually gotten sick. We are so thankful that the generic is now on the market or her 20 pills/mo would have cost us $500! with insurance.) She's not eating much and drinks only water, but that's normal for chemo. She wants to be held a lot and I'm doing my best to accomodate. (Any advice for carriers that work with a tall, 30lb, 3 yr old? I imagine the next 6 mo will be this way.)
• Carter is a different child since we arrived. He loves to be here and has already been to play racquetball and is currently catching an IMAX flight movie at the Air & Space Museum with Daddy and Grandpa. He needed this change more than any of us. His little 5 yr old shoulders are bearing way more than they ever should have to and it's breaking our hearts. He longs for his old life, he worrries about his sister, he's concerned about his weary parents, and he wants consistency back in his life. Sometimes he just cries and I hold him and feel helpless to fix it.
• We are still wrestling with all the new information from our Thursday at the hospital. It appears the few anaplasia cells we were told wouldn't change much actually are changing everything. This confirmation puts her case and treatment into a whole different category. They want us to be much more aggressive using the 3 chemo drug combination as well as radiation. We have not committed to this as we still await some pending lab results and the COG board redommendation. Please pray for this result coming any day. I've found I want 'definites'. I ache when they are worse than we thought, but I dread being asked to decide what is best. Anaplasia cells are nasty things and the doctors are doing their best to make sure they don't come back in her abdomen or appear in her lungs. This new facet comes with a whole new set of prognosis and recurrence percentages. I will leave off the details, but these numbers are my new nemesis. Everyone in this situation wants to know them, they are so helpful in making decisions, they are evidence of years of beneficial research and studies, but they are haunting. Once you learn them you can't forget. They are burned in your memory like a tattoo.
• I keep reminding myself that Julia's situation is the same now as it was last week and God's promises have not changed. I do still trust Him in all of this. I know my God is sovereign over cancer and chemo (and maybe now radiation). I am learning to wrap my mind around all of this new information and prepare for the course set before us.

I was encouraged by these words from Beth Moore's LPM blog today....

"God knows its scary to be us."
Yes, He does. Yes, He does. He does NOT take the fact lightly that we go through medical tests to see if we have a raging cancer. He does NOT take lightly that some of you are secretly fearing that the monster has come back. He does NOT take lightly that some of you are going through the cancer treatments of your own children. I had to pause and put my hand over my mouth on that one. Holding back the tears. Son of David, have mercy on us! You know it's scary to be us! It's almost too much here, Lord. It's almost too much. And the thunder crashes in the heavens and the earth grows dark in the middle of the afternoon and a man, beaten to a bloody pulp, cries from a cross between two thieves, "It is finished!"And death is overcome. One day, Sweet Darling. ONE DAY. We will trade that hem of healing for the real Him and there will be no more sickness. No more death. No more sadness. We will all be healed. Bliss. BLISS.